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April 30, 2010

Sick Week Ending

I went to bed late last night. 4 am to be exact. It's only cos I had to cut my sleep short yesterday then go back to sleep in the middle of the day. Anywho I only slept 6 hours last night and anything less than 8 hrs is not so cute on me. I've been sleepy all day but feeling a lot better overall. I even made my bed. I confess making the bed isn't a habbit of mine. After this week's American Idol I'd been craving Shania Twain (I love country music and might be the only person who love it so much in this country). So after breakfast I full-blasted  Come on Over (my fav Shania album) and oh how I missed those songs. She makes me dance, smile and apparently make my bed! I did some organizing of my bookcase, changed my desk's angle. Did some little stuff... singing and dancing.

Then my aunt came with her younger daughter who left her husband this morning! It's a very long story with her. But in summary my cousin, lets call her Bell, got married 12 years ago and stopped all contact with her side of the family, all of us including her parents. My aunt finally got through to her 6 years ago. She was the only one Bell would see. The main problem is she married an asshole and triple asshole in-laws. She spent 12 years like a prisoner. Abused in many ways, always feared for her security... you get the point? It was almost like she got kidnapped and had Stockholm Sendrome.

So Bell called my aunt two days ago and she was all scared and a little out of her mind. My aunt jumps on the first plane (she lives in Izmir, alittle south of here) and comes to talk to her in person. Bell tells her she is finally (after 12 years!) ready to leave her husband. We were scared he would react in a "bad" way. Well honestly I was getting ready for the news she was killed. But he just insulted her, told her she couldn't do shit and blah blah. So she left. Today was her first day in civilization. I don't know where I'm going with this, why I told you... I guess this was the headline of my day and most of my day ran around it.


On a sweeter note this little cup has been my favorite dessert for the past month.

It's crushed oat cookies at the bottom, plain ice cream in the middle and unsweetened applesauce on top. I love this because it really satisfies my desert craving perfectly. I also can control the calories and everything else by adjusting what I use and how much of it. I kinda turn it into baby food by mixing everyhting about half way through. But what can I say... it's the 16 year-old inside of me trying to go back to kindergarten. Yeah 16 is the age I wish I could stay at for the rest of my life!

I'm going back to "healthier" tomorrow, which is awesome considering it's the first day of May. I'll post a list of "have to and gonna do no matter what" for May tomorrow. I wanna step up my game this month. I mean it!

April 29, 2010

Feeling Better

Thank you everybody for your well wishes and supporting my no-scale decision! :) I'm feeling better but still a little tired. Finally slept better last night. Not exactly comatosed but a lot better! (It's nice to know there are people who understand what not-being-able-to-sleep for so long means. thnx ♥) I also had to get up early this morning cos our phone was out and I had to deal with the electirician. I went back to bed after he was gone but you know how it is, my whole system is already messed up, so I'm stuck with a monster headache. Still not complaining though. The idea of getting better and beginning to workout again (I'm hoping for saturday) is too exciting!

I've been eating and not counting anything. I noticed that although I'm eating whatever I want and much of it, I still try to make better decisions. For example I had a huge sandwich for dinner yesterday and I added bell peppers and green beans in it. My father also bought three different kinds of plums today. I noticed I didn't have any this year or last! I'm a little particular about my fruit and wasn't making it a priority before. But today I had a large bowl of plums and boy did I miss that taste! Plums are magical with low calories and sweet textures and I am gonna spend this summer soaking myself in plums. Especially loquats! When you get rid of the skin (I peel and eat the skin too by the way, I'm "weird" that way) loquats are divine!

My taste or understanding of taste is shifting I believe. I enjoy possibly twice as many veggies and fruits as I did before. I'm still finding new ways to enjoy my food but I do feel a lot better than the weight I already lost. I know for sure something is changing and it is for the better. I think my body asks for better quality and variety. The real sursprise is that I'm listening to it.

All joking aside I actually had pre-diabetes just a year ago. I did not try to lose weight although I wanted to at the time. But I did start to make better choices at least once a day. I'm serious it was just once a day and not even that sometimes. I started to get on the treadmill and walk with no schedule or planning. But I moved. After using the drugs my doctor prescribed for about 10 months or so I had a whole different problem and with my doctor we decided it might have been a side effect of those drugs I'd been using. So I decided to quit. I said "I do not care I will not live like this I'm not taking these pills you cannot make me." After 3 months or so the time for my check up with the diabetes doctor came and I had my tests done. Then I confessed I wasn't taking the pills anymore and you know what my doctor told me "You don't need to take anything anymore. Your blood sugar is excellent. Everything looks great." I think that was the point I decided to commit losing weight and getting healthy. It wasn't a rock-bottom experience, not a fight with my boyfriend, not the idea of being a fat-bride... no I found my motivation, the final push from getting better.

April 27, 2010


So I was feeling down yesterday and woke up feeling worse this noon! I also couldn't sleep all that well the last couple of nights. I just keep waking up every hour or so, (I'm a chronic insomniac) which doesn't help with the way I'm feeling. I'm feeling stressed about not working out and to make matters worse I'm bout to get my period and my appetite is scary! So in summary: I'm all bloated, craving anything and everything, can't workout, have a headache, can't get out of the bed, bored, annoyed, stressed and losin my mind!

I've decided to skip the weigh in this week. Well I'm not stepping on that scale until I feel better and ready. I don't wanna make myself feel worse and fall off the wagon because I feel so weak.

I wanted to write about my weekend today but not happening. The computer is making my head hurt. Wish me luck people! I really need it. ♥

April 26, 2010


 So I've been tagged by Path to Wellness and I might add I have more "innocents" than her! Huh!

The rules of the game:
RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

The Questions:

1. Asked someone to marry you? GUILTY
2. Ever kissed someone of the same sex? GUILTY x billions
3. Danced on a table in a bar? INNOCENT
4. Ever told a lie? GUILTY
5. Had feelings for someone whose feelings you can’t have back? GUILTY
6. Kissed a picture? GUILTY
7. Slept in until 5 PM? GUILTY
8. Fallen asleep at work/school? GUILTY
9. Held a snake? INNOCENT
10. Been suspended from school? INNOCENT
11. Worked at a fast food restaurant? INNOCENT
12. Stolen from a store? GUILTY
13. Been fired from a job? INNOCENT
14. Done something you regret? GUILTY (duh!)
15. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? GUILTY
16. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? GUILTY
17. Kissed in the rain? GUILTY
18. Sat on a roof top? GUILTY
19. Kissed someone you shouldn't? GUILTY
20. Sang in the shower? INNOCENT
21. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? GUILTY
22. Shaved your head? INNOCENT
23. Had a boxing membership? INNOCENT
24. Made a boyfriend/Girlfriend cry? GUILTY
25. Been in a band? INNOCENT
26. Shot a gun? INNOCENT
27. Donated Blood? INNOCENT
28. Eaten alligator meat? INNOCENT
29. Eaten cheesecake? GUILTY
30. Still love someone you shouldn’t? GUILTY
31. Have/had a tattoo? GUILTY
32. Liked someone, but will never tell who? INNOCENT
33. Been too honest? GUILTY
34. Ruined a surprise? GUILTY
35. Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY
36. Erased someone in your friends list? GUILTY
37. Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? INNOCENT
38. Joined a pageant? INNOCENT
39. Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who really meant what they said? GUILTY
40. Had communication with your ex? GUILTY
41.Got totally drunk on the night before exam? INNOCENT
42. Got so angry that you cried? GUILTY

So I'm supposed to tag people. Tricky very tricky! So (if you haven't done this already) I will tag Stefi and CJ

April 25, 2010


1 - Workout 60mins/day (weekdays)
2 - If you can go for 90mins (mon-wed-fri)
3 - Stay under 1500 calories
4 - Clean my room
5 - Organize the wardrobe & the rest
6 - Take doggy to get a hair cut
7 - Finish the book I'm currently reading

April 24, 2010


I lost 2 lbs! Honestly I wanted more. But when I stepped on the scale and saw 208.5 I just smiled. It felt good. I feel good.

Don't have much time so this post's gonna be short. I gotta workout before I meet my sweetheart.
I did manage to walk on the treadmill the past two days. 60 minutes each. I had to walk slower but my knee feels a lot better. So it's worth slowing down a bit. My initial panic long gone. Today I'm going for Last Chance Workout. I don't want to fall back on my strength training. I worked on my arms, back, shoulders and core on Thursday. But nothing else whole week. Not good. But next week is a new week and I lost 2 lbs. LOL. I just feel good people I feel great!

I also took some measurements. I will post them during the week. In short I lost 2 inches on my hips, belly; 1.5 inches on my waist and 1 inches from both arms and thighs since the last time I measured.

I've been unfollowed by the way! Yeah someone didn't like my blog. I just wish I knew who that was and why exactly. But I have some new followers and I welcome you all. I actually love you all but don't wanna sound too crazy too soon :)

April 22, 2010


I almost ordered pizza for lunch today. I logged in to the website, picked what I want, almost hit the "order" button. Then I stopped. I honestly have no idea what stopped me. Am I evolving? Is this it? Am I gonna be able stop every time I'm about to eat something bad? Don't think so. If for nothing else I don't have the willpower to stop once I'm in the same room with the food, I'm gone. I'm not even in this world. I get high on food. That's what happens. I get high.

After I stopped myself from wasting money and eating a million calories, fat I didn't need I cooked some pasta. Did I want it? May be/May be Not. It doesn't even look that good. Probably because I got lazy grating the parmesan and used the wrong grater. It tasted good though. Added some red bell peppers which adds more taste than it pretends to. I also made the sauce with hazelnut oil. It leaves a sweeter taste in your mouth. And it's good to mix it up a bit considering I eat pasta a lot.

Are you sick of seeing pasta or the same plate over and over again? I love these plates. I don't even let anyone else use them unless I cooked for the whole family and I'm serving the dish. Judge me all you want, I'm nuts. Let's get over it.

Now I don't know what to eat for dinner. I'm bored. Really bored. I invited J to watch some movies this evening. But cancelled it this morning cos I don't feel up to it. I didn't want to drag her down with me. This knee thing is really depressing me. I'm so tired of feeling helpless. I have bad knees and heart by birth! How do you deal with it? Well... sometimes you don't. There is nothing to do sometimes. Nothing.

Thank you for all your nice comments and well wishes about yesterday's post. It helps me more than you know. ♥

Actually my knee doesn't feel as bad as it did yesterday. So I'll try to walk on the treadmill. Not as fast as I would like to but move a little non the less.

This lovely dress is from my favorite website ModCloth. I can't help checking it out every day. And fall in love with another piece of clothing or accessory every time. Today's love affair is with this lovely dress. It's making me a little crazy like I need to lose a million pounds right this second. But it also motivates me.

I'm thinking about purchasing a piece every 10 lbs once I'm down from 200s. Can I afford it? Not sure. But my boyfriend gets excited about this whole thing and wants to buy me everything I like. Don't worry I stop him. But I think I can ask for him to help me with some of my rewards. Any objections? Please don't.

I have a question for you though. How is this blog awards go? If I wanted to give someone an award do I just create a banner of my own and let them know? Because I think I might want to. I realize I've been doing this less than 2 months. But I really value the support you've given me a lot. And I'm a very emotional being. Especially today.

April 21, 2010


 I don't know who this little girl is but I'm guessing she knows how I'm feeling right now. My left knee gave up on me. It's been aching a little, but today it was worse. With every step I take I can feel my knee moving. Also when I was walking home from the market in the afternoon something happenned. I don't really know what. But this is how it felt like. I left knee, all by itself, turned left 90 degress and snapped back in place. It hurt so bad. I screamed in the middle of the street. Luckily there wasn't anyone around. I really couldn't handle explaining it to anyone.

I called my doctor, but he is away on some conference. If I could just talk to him I would feel better. Unfortunately that is not possible for now. I also don't have insurance since my father lost his job. I need to register for the government plan thingy but my father gotta do it. Because I'm gonna be added to their insurance or something like that. I don't understand how this works. Because this is the first time in my life I didn't have private insurance. In Turkey when you're working anywhere but a government agency they have to insure you and your children who is not working, whatever their age is, also benefits from your insurance. So this is a first.

I'm scared, worried, annoyed, fed up, angry and sad. No workouts for me today.

Today I cooked pasta for lunch. I make this shrimp recipee a lot. But this time I decided to remove lime and add tomatoes in it. It turned out to be one of the best pasta I've ever had! I couldn't get enough of it. I wanna make more already. So I'm cooking it for me and my boyfriend over the weekend. I have to wait that long cos I'm out of shrimp. It's also a national holiday this friday so we'll have a three-days-weekend, which I'm very excited about. But I had to tell him that we needed to eat some meals at home cos there is no way I can stay in my calorie limit all three days. And I really don't wanna eat more than I should this weekend as last week I had more than a couple days with high calories, fat and all that bad girl business.

I also made a lighter version of Cobb Salad without bacon of course and didn't use any cheese either. Made my own dressing as well. 1/2 tbsp olive oil, mustard, some fat-free salad dressing I love, black-pepper. It was good. It kinda had to be. I'd been craving for a while now. Seemed like every show I watch was mentioning Cobb Salad for no good reason.

I had to buy avocados and wasn't sure how much it would cost. Avocados aren't a part of Turkish cuisine and they are not locally grown. I get to eat it at restaurants but not at home. So I decided to go to the market and see how bad it was. About $1.50 per avocado. Is that bad? I don't think so and it certainly is affordable for me right now. So I got 2. One of them need a couple days to be ready to put my sandwiches so I thought 2 was a good number for now.

So my daily total is 1463 calories eaten. Nothing burned.

April 20, 2010


So I'm gonna start with admitting yesterday was not good at all. I ate a little over my max limit but the real bad part was after making a list of things I had to do I didn't workout. Then I went to bed late and woke up at 11 am, turns out I turned the alarm off and fell back asleep cuddling my cell phone. All is good though. Real life doesn't always match lists. I just need to make adjustments sometimes. So for the workout I missed yesterday I decided I can just go for 90 minutes for a couple of days and just add the numbers up.

Today was good. I would have said great if I could wake up on time. But I had a real good workout. I did 35 minutes of a workout dvd and walked on the treadmill for an hour. My total  for today is:
95 minutes
60 minutes @ target heart rate
Burned 1054 calories
Consumed 1665 calories

I'm happy with these numbers. I also cooked one meal as promised. Lentils for dinner. Also walked my doggy. I'm off to bed in an hour so I'm not doing bad with the hours today. I won't be able to get up at 7 am may be but I can do 8 am.

I'm kinda worried about my knees. They hurt not so lightly after my workout today. I iced both of them for 20 mins and rubbed with the gel I'm suppose to. They don't hurt anymore. But I might have to go easy on them tomorrow. Not sure what I'll do yet. We'll see.

Oh I also am forcing myself not to step on the scale until saturday, my regular weigh in day. It's so difficult! It's like the scale is calling me all the time, lifting up her skirt, showing some leg, trying to trick me into self-inflicted torture. But I am stronger than her. I will not fall for her games. Good luck to me
Good luck to you my friends!

April 19, 2010


I lost only 0.5 lbs this week. I'd have thought I'd be sad/upset about it but I'm not. That's half a pound I'm not taking back. I'm actually smiling writing this. I believe this is an improvement of my attitude towards myself. So I'll take my half a pound loss and own it. May be I should admit part of this new attitude comes from the fact that I feel like I lost more than that. My body feels even better. People also keep commenting I've a lot of energy, can't keep still. I'm just moving all the time. Sitting at my desk right now writing this, my legs are moving up and down like a maniac. I love it. 

Last week I did good. But I didn't do what I should have. Soon I'll be working on a job and won't have this much time (probably ever) again. I need to use it to it's full advantage. So I made a list. May be I should make a list every week. We'll see. But here it goes: ( Inspired by Dr. Mo, she is celebrating her Birthday Week ♥ )

1 Go to bed at 10pm - light out at 11pm
2 Get up @7am
3 Workout at least 60 minutes all 7 days
4 Walk the dog myself both mornings and nights
5 Cook one meal of the day myself
6 Have a new post at least 5 days out of 7
7 I reserve the right to add or remove to/from this list any time
during the week

April 14, 2010

One Day You're Fine Next Day You're Not

Thanks everyone for your comments about the painting. Mama loves you too :)

Yesterday was not so okay. I managed to go on the treadmill for 45 minutes and every minute of it was torture. I got through it but really wanted to do more. Just didn't happen. I also ate more than I wanted to. I find it way too hard to resist the food cooked for the rest of the household. Yesterday mom cooked this amazing white rice pilav with lots and lots of butter. That smell could choke me in a second, so I ate 2 cups worth of it. Overall my daily total was up to 2000 calories.

I don't exactly feel guilty. A little worried about the weigh in though. Am I gonna have to go through this every week? I have 3 full days before it's time to step on that scale. I won't be able to workout tomorrow. It's not really that big of a deal. Not this part at least. But hell my appetite is acting up. I don't know how to control this...

Today this "hungry" feeling is stuck in my mind. I mean it's gotta be in my mind. Because I've been eating what I'm suppose to. All my proteins, carbs, fat are at my target range. I'm not starving myself and trust me I cannot not eat. It's so frustrating! I wanna eat all the time!

At least I'm done with workouts for today. I finished Last Chance Workout and had a 30 minutes on the treadmill right after. 747 calories burned. Let's hope I won't end up eating it all back.

I'm going to see a movie tonight with J. I'm really excited about the film. Yet I have a new problem. I've been going to bed so early lately and this movie is at 9.30 pm. I'm hoping to keep awake the whole movie *fingers crossed* We also have tickets for the next morning (11am). Seriously I'll miss my sleep. I'll have to suck it up I guess. I love film festivals and I picked these films cos I wanted to see them bad. Why am I turning this simple thing into something so complicated? I should just try to relax about this scale business. I have to.

April 12, 2010


I worked out both days over the weekend. Do you have any idea how awesome I feel! If I could I would be doing back flipsall day long. My energy level is definitely up. So is my mood. I'm smiling more. Less angry. More patient. I don't "hate" everything as much...  I see colors and brightness everywhere I look. I hope this feeling will not ever go away.

These lovely flowers blong to my mother. Have I told you she is an amateur painter. She picked up painting a few years ago, although she had talent all her life. It's never too late for anything.

Ok I have to confess something. Saturday night wasn't so good. S told me something that really hurt me. I know he didn't mean to but still.. that dark cloud didn't go away till the next day and it didn't go away fo easy. I don't wanna get into details. Because it's gone and I don't wanna make it into something more than it is. I feel great now and that should be what really is important.

Guess what! I had another 2-workouts-in-a-day! Went for my morning walk with J. YAY! I like walking with her. Oh, she told me she lost 2lbs this week!! She's trying to lose 18lbs total. Will I get to see the day when I need to lose only 18 pounds? Is that day ever gonna come really? I guess it has to.

Back to workouts. See the "s" at the end, means multiple! Hah love it! This morning when the hour was up I walked J to the bus (well it's not really a bus I don't know what to call it in English) said goodbye and walked home. Which made my total 96 minutes and burned 1041 calories! In the afternoon I also had another session of Last Chance Workout with my favorite trainer Jillian Michaels :) So totay my total is:

136 minutes (125@target heart rate)
1424 calories burned

I have to admit I ate more than meant to though. I had 1700 calories total. But come on do the math! I think I did good. Considerin I still have a million muffins sitting in the kitchen right now.

Have a wonderful week people! I you all!


This was lunch. I realize the the frozen cordon bleu isn't the best choice. But I'm already having chicken breast for dinner so let me have this one. That pasta sauce actually looks a lot better live. (I should take out my real camera and keep it ready for these.) 1/2 tbs olive oil, 3 garlic cloves, 3 tomatoes and 3/4 cups of fresh spinach, black pepper... heaven!

Now the muffins. I was suppose to make Banana Chocolate Chip Muffins I've found on Spark people (here is the link) last week. Each 92.2 calories, 0.6g fat!!! So I made them today. I first had to make apple sauce as we don't really have them ready in the markets here. Or if we do I have no idea where to find it. Glad to find out it's very easy to make. Smell so goooood! I gotta make some more soon just to use them on top of anything. Mom also is a fan. Next time I'm not gonna use any in the muffin but add some on top while serving.

I bought some paper muffin cups yesterday. Super cute and about a $1 for 50. Or that's what I remember. But when I put them on the tray by themselves, meaning nothing to hold them in place, my muffins didn't look like muffins at all. But who cares. They turned out yummy. I put a little too much banana may be but hey I love banana! I cut back on the chocolate chips (by 1 tbs) and add walnuts instead. They taste a lot better than they look, I promise! Unfortunately dad didn't like them just because they have apples in. I don't understand that guy. How do you not like apples?? Especially with cinnamon!

Last but not the least meet my dinner! I realize I ate almost the same things for lunch too. But when I like something I abuse it. This time I abused chicken breast, spinach, tomatoes and garlic. If I'm gonna abuse something I can't think of anything better right now. 


By the way I don't have that constant hunger anymore. I feel good. I have more energy than ever. I enjoy every single bite of every meal. And that is great news to me :)

April 09, 2010


So turns out I was suppose to weigh in tomorrow!! Which gives me an extra day. But with all the heartbrake of last week and working my butt off (I worked out a total of 345minutes this week) I thought I had to weigh in today! So I did. Guess what? I lost 4 lbs! If I had the energy I would be screaming off the top of my lungs this morning. I'm so relieved and happy. I was sick with paranoia :) It's all gone though. I will step on my lovely scale tomorrow morning too. Not that I think there will be a change in a day. But you never know. Plus I wanna see my new weight again. 211. Isn't it sweet. 12 more pounds and I'll be kicking 200s goodbye for everrr ☼ I'm also getting a haircut when I exchange "2" for a "1" soon man very soon!!

Did you notice I'm getting obsessed with numbers. Don't worry I'll lose track soon. Never been good at keeping up with them. Who cares! I lost 4 pounds!! And a special thank you to everybody who was impressed by my calorie burn yesterday :) You really motivate me to do more.

So on that note I did go for my morning walk. It was so difficult though. I really didn't want to. (Not because of the weight loss) I couldn't sleep half the time I was in bed last night. I am a chronic insomniac. Not gonna bitch about it today though. I still got up on time. left the house 20 minutes late. Cos really didn't want to go. Even when I was at the place I kept thinking I can just quit. The whole time! I feel exhausted listening to myseld. I ended up holding on to everything I've got and finished my walk. 72 minutes. 61 mins @ target heart rate. Burned 716 calories! I am so glad I didn't give up. It doesn't happen to me that often. But I guess things are changing.

My legs  are also very very tired. The two workouts yesterday did the trick, which made it even more annoying to walk this morning. I'm not gonna pretend it was torture but it was very annoying. When I was able to drag myself out of the house I kinda hoped I would do another round of Last Chance Workout with my (one of) celebrity crush Jillian Michaels. I just don't think I have the strenght to pull that of today. Definitely tomorrow morning though before I meet my sexy lover. Yeah don't worry I do mean my boy friend. I don't employ any extra lovers on the side at this moment. May be my dog. But she doesn't count. She is not into commitment.

The kitchen is invaded by our cleaning lady and mom. They are cooking enough food for an army. Apparently mom's gonna be too busy over the weekend, so all the food should last till monday. If I can find a little break from them I'm going for those muffins today. I hope the recipe is perfect cos I'm not a magician in the kitchen. Will report to you. Have a great Friday everyone ☺

April 08, 2010


I burned a total of 1152 calories today! I'm so freaking proud! I already wrote about my Last Chance Workout here. Later I also went up on the treadmill for 70minutes a little over 4 miles. I was amazed out of the 70 I was walking at my target heart rate for 61 minutes! So some numbers in totals:

Workout: 108 minutes
@THR: 92 minutes
Calories burned: 1152
Calories eaten: 1600

I know 1600 is higher than what I should have eaten. But come on this was the first day in my life I had two workouts in one day! I have to keep this up until I find a job and my time will be very limited. Tomorrow I'll go for my morning walk at the "usual" spot. I really hope it'll become my usual spot for my usual morning walks. And may be even running by next year or so *fingers crossed* If J can make it she'll come with. But she is seriously lacking sleep trying to finish some projects for school.

I didn't make any muffins. Actually I remembered I don't have enough tray for 16 muffins. But I'll play with the recipe (I really hope tomorrow) and make may be 12. Have to visit the future in-laws ASAP so I won't have to think about it for a few weeks. I kinda miss them too. I do. I just can't stand the father-
n-law. I might tell you why some other time.

If anyone read the comments on my yum post, Steph mentions a thai 7 spice. Thank you dear. I'm not sure I can find it in Istanbul. I'm guessing some market has it I would need to look for it though. I love mixed spices. Turkey is a little crazy about spices also. I remember having a piece of bread with goat cheese and a ton of mixed spices for breakfast. It's actually still my favorite thing with some black tea if I can't eat anything when I get sick. My only problem is I get thursty way too much! On an ordinary day if I don't workout, don't eat anything crazy etc I drink 12 glasses of water. Now imagine I eat some black pepper on my chicken it goes up to 15! All my life. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm just made up of water I guess. So I'm also scared of spices. Why did I just share that I have no idea. Cos I'm just gonna go and find that thai 7 spice seasoning or just mix it up myself. Can make some adjustments if I mix it myself. May be cut back on the salt. I'm very sleepy right now :) Can you tell? Feels like I've been thinking in writing.

So I'm out. Gotta walk my lovely doggy and go to bed with my book. Oh you haven't met my little girl yet have you? Here is a preview of my Snow White. Isn't she gorgeous! Yes she knows it too ♥


Tomorrow is weigh in day! So I decided to give the Biggest Loser Last Chance Workout another try. If you can remember I actually tried it before and couldn't do the last circuit because I felt exhausted very quick. I actually didn't write this but I almost did throw up like I see most of the contestants in the show do. It felt horrible. But today was a different story. I made it till the end. Didn't throw up. Didn't feel sick at all. I felt great. I burned 400 calories and 31 minutes out of the total 38 min of the workout I was working at my target heart rate! WOOHOO

So I'm planning on doing this everyday or every other day depending on my schedule for a couple of weeks then may be change it up a little. We'll see what I might decide.
I should talk about the video a little I guess. It is FUN! I'm a huge Biggest Loser fan. Consider this the show doesn't air in this country and I've seen all the seasons every single episode! and Jillian Michaels! I adore her. I have every DVD and book of hers. Don't get fooled just cos I've spent the last year being lazy. I have it all and I'll work with all of them. May be change it up every two weeks or a month. Don't know yet.

Back to the Last Chance Workout. All the moves are basic. Nothing too difficult. Well I have knee issues so had to alternate a couple. But other than that there is nothing you can't do whatever your fitness level is. The pace is way up! 30 seconds intervals. 30 sec of little cardios to increase your heart rate like jumping jacks etc and 30 sec for strength training. You just keep moving. No time to get bored. Of course the music is awful. But you can use your own after a couple of times when you need to listen to what Jillian is saying.

I love all the Biggest Loser contestants in this video. They are not robotic and looking perfect. I even have their personalities during the workout. I feel good, not really intimidated or annoyed by their working out which can happen with other workout videos where you have to watch professionals with amazing bodies completing every move with a huge grin on their faces.

The video also have clear warm up and cool down sections. There is a section of recommended weekly workouts for a six weeks plan. You just pick the day you're on and it plays for you. So you can actually go for 6 weeks without needing to change up for a different video. I find that very helpful.

I also have to admit something here. Because of my arrhythmia problems I cut off 5 seconds at the end of some intervals to breath and rest. But 5 seconds of rest is fine I belive. It made me finish the whole thing and not have a heart attack (kidding about the attack). I'm gettin stronger though. So who knows I might be able to skip resting soon. So overall this is one of my favorite workout DVDs. I love it. I would give it 9/10.

April 06, 2010


Chicken breast is one of the most boring foods out there. But I was trying to write down some easy recipes for when I need to I wouldn't have to search. I found a chicken marinade recipe which was soooo simple but the result is "how can this be just chicken breast?" So delicious and it smells like heaven. Just some garlic, thyme, black pepper and lemon juice. It's like magic! The photo is not so nice sorry about that. But I made this same chicken two days in a row and I'm having it again tomorrow. Cooked some scallions next to the chicken for a couple of minutes too. Together whit some tomotoes I love it! I never knew it was so easy to make something so plain and boring taste so fabulous (yes I'm using the word fabulous I love the word too).

I wanna make some muffins tomorrow may be. I mean may be tomorrow or thursday. I found this great recipe on Spark People, 92 calories per muffin! How can I resist that. Well I can't. The recipe is for 16 muffins though. I can't have that many at home or the weigh in will be ruined on friday. So I might take half of it to boyfriend's parents. They live on the next street to ours. I haven't visited for a few weeks and his father gets all "I thought you forgot about us" if I don't show up every other week. I hate that. I can't act all cool and cute about it. It's not in my nature. So muffins will give me an excuse to over there and be nice.

Can't wait to weight in! I'm both excited and scared.What if I didn't lose anything again! What if I lost? HUH! If I lose some I think I'll be more calm next week. I'm just stressing because of last friday. I think. I hope. It'll be fine though, won't it? I'm really working on it. I will lose sooner or later.

April 05, 2010


Hello Hello Hello! The very first day of the week started not so bad at all. Well... I was suppose to meet J for our second morning walk at 8am. And I was at the spot right on time, which wasn't that easy for me I have to admit and I was a little stressed out to make it on time. So I get there. The weather is perfect. Had my morning phone call with my boyfriend (I'm gonna call him S from now on). I'm feeling good and ready. J wasn't there yet though. I give her a call to see where she's at. Sursprise surprise she was in bed. Couldn't wake up apparently. Yeah I'm not gonna get pissed. The whole morning getting ready I kept thinking what if she is still asleep. But I didn't wanna call her and make it a habit of us calling each other to check every single time we do this. I'm not big on trying to say "ok I'm up just hang this phone up so I can get ready" in the morning. So at that point I had to suck it up and not pull my spirits down when I was at this beautiful place and ready to have my walk.

So I ended up walking alone. I have to say It was pretty nice. My only problem was I forgot to take a hat with me and the sun was in a mean mood, which is good. I miss the Sun when it's hiding behind big big clouds. Look at my view for the walk. One of those places you can't stop telling yourself "I love this city." I walked for 85 minutes! 74mins @ target heart rate!!! and burned 900 calories! That's awesome, dont you think ;) I feel great. I have a feeling that scale will be sorry at the end of the week for what it's done to me last friday.

Got some new pics for ya. This little girl was a little too friendly with me. But I had to tell her I'm taken! I wanted to play with her so much. But I met her in the middle of my walk so couldn't really stop and let my heart rate go down. She did attempt to follow me for a while, gave up quick. I wasn't the lazy one this time! YAY for me!

You know last time I had this walk it was at 9am. I surprised to see there were even more people today even though it wasn an hour earlier. A lot of dog walkers! I wish my little doggy liked to walk. We could have more fun together. Anyways of course I love her "just the way she is" :)

April 02, 2010

New Shoes Are Better Than a New Car

Today was a weigh in day and if my scale is still alive it's only because I can't afford a new one! Still waiting on that period bs to come in. It's been knocking on my door but no show for some reason. I have horrible horrible cravings. But the worst of it all... after two weeks of eating carefully, on target and working out my scale informs me that I gained half a pound!!! That little brat is so lucky to be alive, cos there are things I wanna do to it only serial killers can imagine! I do feel and look blothed, which is giving that "fuck it I'm gonna binge" feeling. I'm resisting so far. Thank God it's friday so I'll spend two whole days uninterrupted with my boyfriend. He had a stressful day at work too. We both need some sunshine and frozen yoghurt :)

I can't affor a new scale cos I just bought these babies from New Balance. My first pair. Always wanted one but there are not cheap at all. My father paid for them, otherwise I would have never gotten this good a pair. So thanks dad. I don't really know if I deserved the shoes but I sure needed them. They also make me feel better about that scale incident. Because I am working on my eating and exercise. Sooner or later that scale has to show some magic numbers. It will happen and I'll be damned if I give up now! I walked from the shop back home. 32 minutes. If I can get rid of my cramps I'll also do yoga later. Whatever happens I'll be fine.

April 01, 2010


For the first time today I woke up early to go for a walk! I live in Istanbul and there is a beautiful trail for walkers and bikers, etc by the sea 10 minutes from my home. So one of my best friends asked me to go for a walk yesterday and I said "yeah why not" Of course I regreted it by this morning. It was torture to wake up at 7:45 when I "couldn't" sleep because I couldn't put down my book. Well torture or not I did get up. Had my regular breakfast. I can't function without breakfast, so I don't have a problem with eating early, which I think is pretty lucky. 

So this photo is from this morning. I'm the ugly one on the right :) I don't think I'm ugly but hell this pic is not my best. Not that I look that good in any pics. The lovely lady on the left is J. Her mother was the nurse asisting my birth!! We go that far back! She is the reason I burned over 800 calories today before my mother  or my dog even woke up.
So there wasn't any sun around but the weather was still beautiful and fresh. Seeing so many people walking, running around also gives you a sense of belonging. I find that a little surprising. A happy one. We had our headphones on but still chatting and giggling of course. We walked for an hour and 16 minutes. J has a strange foot problem and she was having some trouble. We were getting tired too. But we'll try to build it up slowly. 10 minutes each time may be. Hoping to go for 3 days a week.

My parents were a little jealous. I really hope they'll come with next time. Monday. They can walk with their own pace and it's all about moving a little. And that morning air is like a drug! I always say it. Early morning is my favorite time of the day and I want it to be addictive.

I also did a 25 minute yoga session yesterday. But couldn't really hold on to it. Quit in the middle. It was a new video and too much work on the knees. Obviously I can't be on my knees and couldn't figure out an alternative and got exhausted pretty quick. I'll go for an old video tomorrow. Yoga for Weight Loss by Gaiam. I used to love that one. It doesn't have too much work on the knees which is great. I did good with food yesterday but today I was a very bad girl. My weapon of choice was McDonalds. I didn't even like it. I ended up eating 800 over my daily limit. I'm not gonna kill myself over it. It's done. Not gonna happen tomorrow. I'm over it. Tomorrow I'm buying new running shoes though! That will be my desert!

I also did the Virtual Me thing :) I find it a little funny a little hopeful a little troubling, but whatever.
Before 234lbs - After 150lbs