I've got news. Let me tell you from the beginning.
On friday I went to my orthopaedist. He was surprised to see me because he thought my right knee was supposed to be in pretty good shape by now. He was right. So I told him what happened to my left knee. I said "I know this is not really what happened but it felt like my knee turned 90 degrees by itself and snapped back." He had a very worried look on his face and he asked me when that happened. I told him a month ago but he was at a seminar so I couldn't see him. Then I told him the pain came back a few weeks ago and it was horrible for 3-4 days. He did not like it.
Still I wasn't that worried anymore. Because I trust him so much I just knew everyhing was OK. Then he told me that "feeling" of the knee turning, yeah, that really happened. I got dizzy. How the hell does that really happen!! Ouch! The pain was bad but I can deal with pain. This thing is plain creepy and far from being natural.
The diagnosis was I tore my cruciate ligamen. The worst was him telling me I might need surgery. He didn't even have a hint of smile on his face which freaked me out even more. He sent me to get an MRI. At the hospital it was way too expensive. So he gave me a phone number. I called, told the lady my doctor gave me the number blah blah so they sent a driver to pick me up from the hospital! That was very very nice of them. I got over the MRI and I was waiting for my father to come pick me up. In 10 minutes they had written up the report and gave me back my results! That was the cool part and I paid 1/4 of what I would have at the hospital. But I had to wait till the next day to show the report and the images to my doc.
Saturday comes. My boyfriend takes me to the hospital. We wait and wait (I didn't have an appointment we had to wait for an opening) I was about to lose my mind. I hate waiting for anything anyways. But this oh boy I wanted to kick something!
Finally I get in. He looks at the stuff I brought with me. He looks at me and says "you failed. couldn't tear the whole thing." Geez!!! I had a heart attack the first second but recovered quickly. He said the 70% of the ligament was fine. He was smiling again and I took a deep breath, it was gonna be alright afterall.
Now I have to keep sitting on my butt, resting the knee for 10 more days (no workouts of any kind at all) use ice 3 times a day, etc. I have to buy a kneepad. After the resting period, by the way it's so short because so lucky that I got sick in Ankara and couldn't workout, I will start walking very slowly. 1 km (0.62 miles) the first day very slow. Adding half a kilometer each day untill I get to my regular lenght, but need to keep it slower than I am used to and in a few months I can go full force again.
There is a weigh in coming up and I guess I'll be lucky if I don't gain anything. I'd been stressing over the knee and sitting on my butt all day I'm so bored!!! I wanna eat everyhting. Of course I won't. But well... I want to.
Forget about the food for a second though I almost had to go through surgery. I think I can survive 10 days of boredom =D
The rules: pass the award on to 7 bloggers and write 7 things about myself that you did not know!
Thank you Aylilth!!! Such a great encouragement!! =D I'm honored ♥ I'm trying not to cheat on this one. 7 things you don't know is though. Why am I finding this one so hard :) Let's just try.
1 - I'm Muslim
2 - I'm bi
3 - I have two tattoos
4 - I studied in California (Pitzer College) for two years then quit because I got very very depressed (I spent a lot of time with a shrink) possibly because I missed home but certainly not the only reason
5 - I'm not a friendly person (do not argue I know what I'm talking about)
6 - I used to be very skinny when I was a kid. So my parents took me to a million doctors and I started using medicine to up my apetite when I was 8 years old. You have seen the results that first piece of chain of things did. 7 - My biggest fantasy in life is to live in a country style house close to a cliff and a forest 10 minutes away from a little town and at most 2 hours away from a big city spending my days writing, taking after my millions of cats and dogs and all the rest, visiting my kids, and loving my husband.
Now time to pass this Beautiful Blogger Award on to 7 bloggers. I kinda want to name different people from my last award. If you haven't received it yet and would so kindly except it:
I was supposed to post yesterday but waited till I would workout (no I didn't). It was getting late so I wrote some stuff then my internet connection got cut for some reason. So frustrating living without internet for even a couple hours. I depend on the internet for so many things it's insane. Reminds me what was up with the Biggest Loser Finale? They didn't let anyone speak and kept showing stupid videos of people "reminding" us what they've "gone through" at the ranch. It was my least favorite finale. But I would have been happy with any of them top 3 winning. I used to dislike Mike a lot in the beginning, the old days when he was into eliminating people who deserved to be there more. Now I think he is a grown up man again and he looks so hot!!! They all do. Yay! ((:
By the way Jillian looked hotter than anybody there or I'm just too into that lovely little lady.
I'm finally gonna see my knee doctor tomorrow. He had surgeries, etc all the week so tomorrow was the earliest date I could catch him. I'm very worried about it. This sudden and not-going-away-for-a-couple-of-days-pain in my left knee is scary and new. I really don't even want to think about it. It will be ok. Has to be.
I'm eating alright again. Having difficulty in going back to tracking my food though. I'm so bored of writing and seraching and adding and blah blah blah. I do feel safer with tracking my food so I need to snap out of this atittude and do the work. But seriously I've been good about portion control and this little plate is stuffed grape leaves with fat-free Turkish yoghurt. Last week I would have eaten at least twice as many and with lots of bread. But this was my lunch yesterday. I've been drinking a little too much sugar-free ice tea. I really need something to prevent me from feeling hungry. I'll be cutting back next week. Trying to listen to my body's signals. But the heat is also making me thursty and even in winter I drink about 12 glasses of water a day. Imagine how much liquids my body is asking for!! I'm a walking pool.
One thing I need to fix is my sleep schedule. I've been sleeping after the birds starts to sing and the sun is up. Today I'm seeing the effects. Feeling so tired and my eyes want to close asap. Good thing my doctor's appointment is at noon. I gotta get up early, meaning I can't just stay in bed untill I please. The procrastinator in me got to go on a vacation and leave me alone.
I also can't wait to do something other than light, weight training. I wanna walk again. I want my knees to behave and work with me. Feels like I'm paying for something, but I'm good at blaming myself for everything. Don't worry after spending days, weeks, months thinking on it I find out the truth and come to my senses. Well that might change as I decide to grow up some day.
I might be getting effected by all the shows ending the season and there have been way too many sad sad episodes. Yes I'm watching too much but hey I probably won't have time to watch any soon. But the weekend is coming!!!! We might see the last Shrek movie. We try to watch any 3D movies we can get. I could watch commercials for hours if they were in 3D =)
You know what? I'm already feeling a little better. I'm gonna have to do another post in a minute cos I recieved another award!!! HAH! Then I'll reorganize my wardrobe. I'm not happy with the current state. I'll remove some on the draw systems I'm using and re-arrange some stuff. I think I need to throw out some things and give away others. Yeah it's time already. I also need to catch up on reading blogs. I've read some and lacking commenting. Ayayyayyyy gotta move.
It's good to be back. It's time to face the reality. I gained 3.5lbs! That is huge! It's so huge that I wanna cut flesh off of my body to get rid of it right away! I'm so embarrasssed to come back after two weeks and tell you all this is what I did. I will go ahead and confess I binged three times the past 10 days. That is such a high number at this point. But I'm home now and don't have any excuses. I need to get back into the "healthy mind" already and get the numbers going down again.
I had fun though. I don't regret relaxing a little. I don't diet to just lose weight. I'm trying to turn everything I know and still learning into a life style. And in real life you do take vacations and gain a couple of pounds. You just come back to your daily routine and you lose that extra naturally. I admit if I don't lose it back in a week I'll probably have a different attitude. But it will be only because I would have disappointed myself. So we'll have some rules brought back this week if I don't want that happenning. The lazy in me needs to move out.
These rules to be followed for the next two weeks (mon 05/24 - sat 06/05)
1 - no sugar
(fresh fruit only)
2 - min 5 servings of veggies & fruits
3 - no processed food or junk
4 - eat 1300-1600 calories
5 - limit fat
6 - do whatever workout I can
(as long as my knees let me)
7- not gonna weigh in untill June 6
Of course there are nice things going on too. Like my mother did a major spring cleaning in my room. I don't think this room was ever this clean. I need to do some reorganizing but feels like the room is shining with pride! Mama is my hero of the month! (and probably all the other 11 months too)
I have to admit though the best part of coming home is my boyfriend. After so many years I still think it's a miracle that we ever met and became close friends, then finally fall in love... Oops I'm getting too emotional all of a sudden. I think catching up with Gray's Anatomy did some damage. What the hell was those last two episodes! Reminds me we still haven't seen the Lost finali. I did consider staying up till morning (was shown here same time as USA) but decided it was silly. I also download every episode then wait to watch it with my boy. We're hoping to watch it tomorrow evening if he is not too tired after his workout. So freaking excited!
I'm ending today's post with this lovely photo of Ivy with the little cat who found us on their backyard and adopted us all by himself! (I think he is a he but may be not) He kinda made us give him milk by drinking Ivy's coffee so casually and looking like enjoying it a lot. He joined us for dinner that day and disappeared the day after to reappear and even jumo in the car with us just the next day. Ivy tells me he still comes and goes and I fell in love with him so bad that I'm torturing my little dog evne worse now. She's fine yet but it's only cos she missed me too much. Next week she'll be hiding from me =) She is a free spirit! ♥
Tonight Ivy's mother is coming back from her trip and our freedom is cut back a little. Ivy is cleaning the apartment inch by inch. Apparently her mother is getting obsessed with cleaning by the minute. I didn't realize that the other two times I visited them, but we'll see how bad it is.
Ivy also has a little dog, Gypsy, who has been living with another family for a few years now. It's Gypsy with Ivy (and her cleaning outfit) on the photo I just took.We picked him up yesterday so he'll be spending some time with us till sunday afternoon. He has a vet appointment the next day so his stay will be short. He is making miss my little doggy. It's always nice to have a little pet in the house. They can make you smile more than you bargained for.
Before we went to pick up Gypsy we of course went to a Starbucks. While we were sitting there, having our drinks we could see a kebab restaurant on a lower level and we saw a woman butcher a meal. In Turkey one of the most popular items is an Iskender Kabab. I certainly love it. It's served as flat bread heated with butter, very thinly sliced meat in the middle, then some tomato sauce and sizzling butter on top with some Turkish yogurt on the side. You get the picture I'm guessing. It tastes like heaven and it even loves you back. This woman sat there and mixed it all up, cutting the meat even smaller, tossed everything upside down and turned that beautiful plate into baby food. I got angry at her. That's what I felt and I'm not sure if it bothers me that I had such a strong reaction. Ivy had deep disappointment in her face also.
I don't think she should be allowed to eat in public. You know a lot of bloggers talk about secret eating and feeling embarrassed eating in front of people. I don't see the point. We (yeah I'm assuming) respect the food, treat it well, love it, care about it. At least that's how I feel.
This is a high calorie day for both of us. Just letting you know. I feel guilty if I don't write it here. I still feel sick though. May be it's my fault for not resting enough. But I'm not here that often so I wanna enjoy my time with my friend and I should have a right to. Not being able to weigh in is also getting to me a little. Not that I'm worried about it. I just wish I knew what happened to my body all week. I'll be taking measurements again in 2-4 weeks. I haven't decided what would be best. I gotta see my calendar and plan this from now on. Planning is good for me. Even when I "fail" to keep up with a schedule or plan I still do better. I like order in my life. Not too much of it though :)
Now that we had some naughty food I'm craving a huge salad and loquats. Isn't it lovely! =)
P.S. This is my second post for the day. I did a little video blog also. I mention dinner in it so here is what I ended up having. (sorry about the messy plate) It is a sort of pasta salad. I have both chicken and tuna in it. (Don't ask me! I'm really scared to know what I'll crave when I get pregnant!) So we have some greens in it, peppers, corn, lots of seasoning (red pepper, thyme, mint) and turkish yogurt as dressing. It was a little hot and I loved it. Couldn't finish the whole thing, it turned out a little too big when I finished adding everything I wanted in. :)
So I got an email from Renée and she is giving me an award. I'm so honored to be even considered for it. So excited!! YAY =)
We have some rules obviously (see below). I am freaking excited so #1 is done. The second one is tricky. If I stayed 100% anonymous I'm guessing I would have picked option (b) in a heart beat. (a) sounds dangerous beyond all others. I tend to talk way too much and say a million times more than I should when I drink. So I did a vlog! (I hope the link is working or I'll fix it asap)
I'm suppose to pass this award onto 3 or more people. Unless they already received it, here is who I think should this award should also go to:
(most of you don't have emails listed so I hope you'll read this if I can't find a way to contact you) ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Rules: 1. Get really excited that you got the coolest award EVER!
2. Choose ONE of the following options of accepting the OMB award:(a) Get really drunk and blog for 15 minutes straight, or for as long as you can focus.
(b) Write about your most embarrassing moment.
(c) Write a “Soundtrack of your childhood” post.
(d) Make your next blog a ‘vlog’/video blog. Basically, you’re talking to the camera about whatever.
(e) Take a picture of yourself first thing in the morning, before you do anything else (hair, makeup, etc) and post it. 3. Pass this award onto at least 3, but preferably more, awesome bloggers as yourself. Don’t forget to tell them.
That's our capital for those who don't know. So I'm in Ankara and I got the flu. I blame the ac on the bus. But mum has it too and dad was recovering when I left so... who knows. I'm guessing I'll be better in a couple of days. I'm not exactly resting in bed but not killing myself either.
It's good to be here. I missed Ivy so much. We have the whole apartment to ourselves and having a little girl time and some fun. Yesterday we also had a guest, Dodo. He is the nicest, sweetest guy on earth and he can't stop laughing at everything for some reason. He also lost a lot of weight since I've seen him last year. Hoping to see him more before I leave. I decided to go back home next thursday by the way. J might come to stay with us over the weekend. Still haven't decided yet. She has a lot to do for school and will let us know by tomorrow. We have some work to do here too. Working slowly on some graduation projects. Oh these bs never ends with the school work.
We had a pizza and ice cream day yesterday. But we are still on our diet schedule more or less. This was our shopping cart on monday. We went grocery shopping as soon as Ivy picked me up from the bus station. See nothing naughty... some chicken breast, turkey, sugar-free ice tea, salad greens, lots of fruit!
Meet my dinner from monday. (I decided I needed to supply some proof) My chicken as always, some salad with fatfree dressing and frozen potatoes with no oil, little ketchup, very little mustard.
This was luch on tuesday. My pasta with tons of tomato, garlic and scallions. One stuffed eggplant. (We like stuffind veggies and leaves in Turkey and when I see eggplant my heart beats faster)
I almost forgot, my left knee has been hurting like a bitch. Well it's been better today. But it started on monday and I was in pain for so long. My eyes teared every time I had to go down the stairs even just one step. I really need to see my doctor when I go back home. I'm guessing he will tell me I need physical therapy. I do not have any means of affording that at the moment and beyond that if I get "the job" I won't have any time. Hope we'll figure out a way to fix it without more trouble.
I haven't worked out since I've been here. But have my weights and videos with me. We can also go for walks when I get better. But we really need to get up early cos it's burning hot in this city. I'm guessing Istanbul will be so hot too when I get back. This summer has come way too fast for me. I never look forward to it. Now it's here and I wish I had the power to keep spring going on for the whole year. Speaking of mind power I just finished reading The Sphere by Michael Crichton. I love this guy so much. Another great book. Always makes me want more. I stole this quote from wiki for you: The New York Times's Robin McKinley said "Part of the fun of Sphere is that it keeps you going even when you're pretty sure of what will happen next." I think I'm reading Timeline by Crichton next.
Today we went out to Starbucks. I don't know what anybody did before Starbucks. I feel so home at any Starbucks. It feels like everybody feels better there. I used to go to Starbucks to study, now I go to read a book, write in my journal, just to get out of my own head... Yeah, one other obsession of mine.
I had a haircut yesterday. Don't like it. The guy didn't get what I wanted and I ended up with this mess. Well.. I'll survive. This is what I looked like drinking my cappuccino today. I don't really like my photo being taken. But hell I wanted to share. For a miracle just for you I'm even smiling :)
My face looks bloated. Look under my eyes. huge bags. Well the bags is a curse for the women in my family. But that's not the point. I sometimes like being bloated cos when it goes down it feels like I lost a lot of weight all of a sudden :p I'll always be a kid (or baby) at heart.
This is Ivy telling me we don't look good in photos so what's the point :D I think she asked for it complaining too much. Hahaha she looks funny and this is my blog so I got the power *still giggling* I don't think she looks bad though. If I thought so I wouldn't put this photo. I'm not evil. Just bad sometimes.
I asked Ivy to write a guest post on my blog. She said yes. I'm letting you know so she won't have a way out of it if she gets lazy or sth. She has lost some weight herself. Has been working hard on it. She also has some interesting stories to tell about her years of struggle with weight issues. Of couse if she decides to share. We'll see what she'll come up with.
I've been feeling so bad cos I couldn't post for so many days. I hope I'll be able to write again soon. I miss my blog and I miss reading yours'. I have some catching up to do. Soon. I also have new followers. Always a nice surprise ♥
That 0.5 lbs at the end is bugging me so much!! I wish it was goneeee! I am so happy that I see the minus 2, but I can't stop wishing it was more. I know I'm gonna be obsessing all week next week that I'm gaining not losing blah blah blah
I guess I just need to see my boyfriend and I'll be just fine. Even my dog is still asleep next to my mother. Some love and cuddling I'll be good as new.
Thank you all for your comments about my reward :) My dress loves you back (yes, she told me herself).
Tomorrow is weigh in day and I'm so nervous! I don't think I've gained more than a pound last week. At least I hope I didn't. So tomorrow morning I really don't know what to expect. I stepped on my scale a couple of days earlier but still not sure... I'm never sure about this numbers thing.
This is what I did since monday. This table is from my Spark People Calendar. The days it says "track cardio" but there are still fitness minutes given, I only did strength training so no cardio calories entered. (I know I'm not sharing what I did over the weekend! yes I mean to hide it from you. so move along people!) In the end it's not the "ideal" week but I think I did pretty good considering I was struggling with sleep till wednesday. I guess I need to admit I'm happy with what I did. I just wish tuesday wasn't so high on calories. I don't even remember what brought up my calories so high.
Did you see the 1022 calories burned today!!!!!! Yesterday was really good too. So what was the difference? When I step on the treadmill I usually am thinking "I think I could go for an hour" and feeling tortured half the time. Yesterday I tried to enter the minutes before I started and let the treadmill count down from 75 minutes. Same today with 90 minutes. Somehow that felt a little easier. I hoped so bad I would reach to a 1000 calories and was scared about half way through that I wouldn't. I guess that's why I'm smiling right now as much as I'm obsessing about tomorrow's weigh in.
We're gonna go see Iron Man 2!!!!!! Probably tomorrow. It's getting hot during the day so seeing a movie is a great option to be out of the house during the "hot" hours. I loved the first movie a lot. It was soo much fun I'm keeping my fingers crossed the second one will be as good. I haven't read any reviews or anything yet. I don't wanna know much about the movie before I see it. Well the subject and a simple trailer is fine. But if you read too much or the wrong thing it ruins the whole experience for me. By the way does anybody else thinks Robert Downey Jr is getting hotter by the minute?!! When I see that guy I don't think I'll even care for Scarlett and I adore that woman. (I adored her before many of you knew she existed!) Don't worry I'll stop here.
Have a great weekend everybody! Sunday is Mother's Day :)
So I didn't confess this before but on April 23rd, one favorite website modcloth.com added this beautiful black dress as a new item. The trick about ModCloth is that most items are sold out in the speed of light. And needless to say for me the dress was love at first sight. From time to time I show some items I like from this site to my boyfriend. And you need to understand if it was possible I would live in this website! Like Alice in Wonderland I wanna get lost in ModCloth... ♥
So boyfriend sees the dress and tells me "let's buy it." At first I objected and told him I didn't deserve it yet. A couple of hours later small and medium sizes were gone!! Sold out. I panicked and he kept sayin "I wanna buy it for you." So... I gave in. How could I not! Look at it! So adorable. They had up to 3X sizes. But we ordered large. Now I have to work to get into the dress and I love the idea!!
Modcloth gives 10% discount for international orders of $100+ So I had put this cutest tshirt to my wishlist a couple of weeks ago. We added that and this strange yet softest, loveliest scarf to the order. Yes I admit I acted like a kid in a candy store! I'm not regretting it though. So I guess this order was my going-below-210-lbs-reward. It is a bigger reward than may be should have. But I'm also thinking it as my one-month-of-blogging-and-keep-going reward. It was exactly one month before that I wrote my very first post!!!
They arrived a couple of days ago. I love them all! I'm not gonna let myself go crazy and order anything else before I should again. I promise!
My knees have been alittle annoying lately. I'm going back to doing my leg exercises (doctor's prescription) hoping it'll help. Working with weights on your ankles also works your lower abs and boy am I sore! I missed feeling sore. Reminds me I need to up my strength training.
I did better with food choices yesterday. Had lots of fish. (I was gonna take a pic cos it looked so good but I was too busy eating it! oops...) My appetitte is calming down, sleeping better, have a little more energy. I'm doing both strength training and cardio today. Will let you know tomorrow.
I said hi to my scale in the morning. Wasn't bad. Hope I'll see a not-so-bad number on Saturday. *Fingers crossed* as always...
UPDATE: Bloggers I'm far away from USA right now but just found out about what's going on in Nashville (one of the places I wanna see soooo bad on Earth) and please visit Beth's blog to read about it and share and hopefully find a way to help!
I took a pill last night to help me sleep. I hoped for a 10 hours but had to settle for 9. Because of the job I'm trying to get. One of the people I'll meet about it was on tv discussing something current and I thought it was important for me to get a little more on who he is, etc.
I did wake up during the night but fell back asleep quick. Waking up was a bitch though. I don't know how I managed to get out of the house somehow and meet J. All the way I felt so dizzy and disoriented. Thank God, J wanted to take it slow today. We had a very light walk for 45 minutes. Burned only 380 calories but it is something.
When I came back home I couldn't even take a shower. Just went back to bed wondering if I could sleep or not. Turns out I could. Slept 4 more hours. I feel so much better. Not 100% awesome. But a lot better.
Made myself a nice lunch. Mum already made some salad and pasta, which went perfect with my chicken. I cooked the same chicken with marinade on saturday for my boyfriend. And what do you know, he wants some more. Which is excellent news. Because he likes eating out a lot and I hate spending money on food so much. On his defense he eats so stickly (being a bodybuilder and all) on weekdays and weekend mornings he is always craving for some color. So I'm looking for some nice side dishes to go with the chicken. Also will make a huge, green salad. I guess I'll go for mushrooms? Lots of protein and he loves them. Me too.
I noticed now I have 50 followers! (like I don't check the number everyday. duh!) Exactly 6 weeks from my very first post.
I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights. I mean I slept but I guess only enough to keep my body functioning. I feel so exhausted. I'm going to bed at 9pm with a sleeping pill tonight. I try not to take pills unless I feel like I'm drawning with the exhaustion, feeling dizzy all the time, no energy to go through the day... So I'm taking the pills two nights in a row and try to sleep on my own the next day.
I will however go for a walk by the sea tomorrow morning with J. I miss our walks so much! Especially being sick last week I got so bored. I hoped to walk on the treadmill today. Nothing too hard. Simple walk. Not happenning. I don't have the energy even a bit. I kinda wanted to skip posting but didn't want to have the guilt to build up.
I'll be going to Ankara, the capital, next week. At least I hope so. Because there is a job interview I have to but don't know when it'll be. (I want the job so bad!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you about it later) I'm gonna be visiting my closest friend from college. Ivy. I hate that she went back home after the graduation! Her sister lives here and we are all here, but she is back home. I miss her so much! Are you reading this little missy?? We all miss you here! And you were suppose to come here on Fabruary. What happened?! Are you cheating on me now? I'll make you pay. Hold on. I'll be there in 7 days!
So about next week. We got some things to do with Ivy and some catching up obviously. J will also try to come towards the weekend if she can and if I stay that long. Nothing is certain yet. Another friend is also trying to come. But she needs to have a little corrective operation on her nose and her mother needs her with some stuff. So.. I don't know. We'll see who shows up. I don't mind the crowd, but I do prefer a couple of days I can be alone with Ivy.
Also there is the question of staying on track. Ivy has also some pounds to lose and she's been going to a gym everyday (I think) for awhile now. She is dieting also. But when two friends who love food so much come together things can get tricky. I hope it will not this time! But I asked her for one night of pizza and beer! I've been craving bad. And I'll do it one way or the other. So I thought I was a nice cheat for us to enjoy together. Making a movie night out of it. Hopefully we'll have worked out in the morning and burned some of the calories at least. I think we'll be celebrating the change of our lives' direction with the graduationg and looking for jobs, etc. (I don't wanna celebrate losing weight with food!)