Random

I do not like any kinda berry pancakes
I don't wanna leave comments (I also know people who don't leave comments because of this) when I see the "your comment will be visible after approval" line on top of the page. It's just annoying
After 25 years I finally like fruit :)
And I don't hate veggies
I feel safer because I'm fat
That's gotta change cos if everything goes well I'm getting married before June2011
Ouch
I gotta move!
Ivy is here by the way
She'll be staying till wednesday
J already wants to come back home :D
Any Grace Jones fans out there?
I've gone crazy. We're seeing Grace Jones next friday night
It's not the kinda event my boyfriend likes but hey it'll be different and he likes different
In exactly one month I'll be 26. I don't wanna be. what happened to 16?
It'll also mean my little doggy's been living with us for 4 years!! She is getting older too but looking like a puppy! I'm so jealous :)
I love weekends... have a great one everybody ♥

Blueberry Love

Blueberries have been on sale (blame the economy) for a while at our market. I'm so in love with blueberries. My favorite berries I might add. So sweet and perfect to compliment anything you might wanna place them next to. They make me happy. I'm telling you all this because Patrick asked me "What is it that you want to do or get into that will make you happy that you can realistically do today, tomorrow, or as far as a week out?" Obviously blueberries are not enough to "change my life" but little things always add up, right?

Well... more than fruit I need a couple of other things. I need a job! I'm so annoyed and frustrated about the one job I really wanted. Will it ever happen? It's not up to me but I've been waiting for a long time. So it is way past time I start looking for something else. I don't even wanna think about this subject but I'm really tired of waiting here. Time to move on. If that job still happens I'll be on board happily ever after.

My boyfriend has been hiding in his shell. Probably since he's been back from his service. It's not like anything bad happened while he was there. He's always been a quiet guy. Doesn't talk much about his problems or his inner whatever. But since he's been back it seems he doesn't ever talk. It's like he's lost his ability to have a conversation sometimes. He doesn't even wanna see his friends. Don't get me wrong. He does have reasons like he is always tired working 12 hours then gym everyday... He has been stressing about his work conditions not improving like he is not paid what he deserves at all and the hours are so long, etc. He stopped caring for anything else almost. I need to break his shell once again and get him to enjoy things a little. That would make me happy.

I've talked to J a few times since last week. She is doing great and I'm feeling a lot better about her being away :)  She is hoping to be back early august if there isn't any news.

People we have a serious problem!!!! The 7th Harry Potter movie is almost out and next year we'll see the last movie!! Then it will be over!!! No more Happy Potter!!!!! No amount of vampire hotness can match the magic Harry provides... I'll be heartbroken my friends... But it is worth this love. My heart will go on and on...


Love yourself
♥River

Useless

 

I've been hiding inside my shell the past two weeks. I don't know why. But I sure am embarrassed about how I ignored this blog and others, I let go of my food tracking, may be even stopped caring for myself... I have been doing nothing. NOTHING!! Two whole weeks. Sitting at my desk, playing video games. I feel useless and absolutely miserable. I'm not sure what the hell happened to me. Let me tell you how it started though.

I spent most of sunday (two weeks ago) with J. I couldn't help be emotional all day. See I never wanted siblings although my parents asked me a few times. But if I could pick a sibling I would want J as my sister and noone else. Then again we sometimes go months without seeing each other. That doesn't matter. We will be there if one needs the other. Somehow I'm just not handling her going to New Jersey for the rest of the summer. I think not knowing when she will be back (cos she really doesn't know and might stay till the end of september) is making me uncomfortable. It feels like she won't be back. Ever. And there is a reason for that.

I studied in California for two years. Then I quit. The first year was all fun. I met some amazing people, had an absolutely awesome time. Second year is a different story though. I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. I started thinking I've already seen LA I just wanna be home. I got sick of the food. I started sleeping all day, up all night. Not partying! I'm not a partying type. I just lived like that. I missed the sun and that's a tough thing to do in Southern California!

I got depressed. I got so depressed that I couldn't wake myself up for days. I needed help for that. I had to see a shrink I seriously don't know how often. I got some pills priscribed that I never took. Everything was shit. Plain shit. I really really really wanted to be home. When I came back home that summer it took me two months to tell my parents that I didn't wanna go back. They wasted ridiculous amount of money so I can study in CA which I'd been telling them I wanted for so many years. Now I didn't wanna go back. So I stayed.

Damn! I don't wanna write about all this anymore. Sorry. I've been down and it's time to get back up already. I need to wake up already.

Thank you for all your support. I love you all. OK I love some of you a little more but I love you all! ♥