I spent most of sunday (two weeks ago) with J. I couldn't help be emotional all day. See I never wanted siblings although my parents asked me a few times. But if I could pick a sibling I would want J as my sister and noone else. Then again we sometimes go months without seeing each other. That doesn't matter. We will be there if one needs the other. Somehow I'm just not handling her going to New Jersey for the rest of the summer. I think not knowing when she will be back (cos she really doesn't know and might stay till the end of september) is making me uncomfortable. It feels like she won't be back. Ever. And there is a reason for that.
I studied in California for two years. Then I quit. The first year was all fun. I met some amazing people, had an absolutely awesome time. Second year is a different story though. I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. I started thinking I've already seen LA I just wanna be home. I got sick of the food. I started sleeping all day, up all night. Not partying! I'm not a partying type. I just lived like that. I missed the sun and that's a tough thing to do in Southern California!
I got depressed. I got so depressed that I couldn't wake myself up for days. I needed help for that. I had to see a shrink I seriously don't know how often. I got some pills priscribed that I never took. Everything was shit. Plain shit. I really really really wanted to be home. When I came back home that summer it took me two months to tell my parents that I didn't wanna go back. They wasted ridiculous amount of money so I can study in CA which I'd been telling them I wanted for so many years. Now I didn't wanna go back. So I stayed.
Damn! I don't wanna write about all this anymore. Sorry. I've been down and it's time to get back up already. I need to wake up already.
Thank you for all your support. I love you all. OK I love some of you a little more but I love you all! ♥