SICK IN BED

So I was feeling down yesterday and woke up feeling worse this noon! I also couldn't sleep all that well the last couple of nights. I just keep waking up every hour or so, (I'm a chronic insomniac) which doesn't help with the way I'm feeling. I'm feeling stressed about not working out and to make matters worse I'm bout to get my period and my appetite is scary! So in summary: I'm all bloated, craving anything and everything, can't workout, have a headache, can't get out of the bed, bored, annoyed, stressed and losin my mind!

I've decided to skip the weigh in this week. Well I'm not stepping on that scale until I feel better and ready. I don't wanna make myself feel worse and fall off the wagon because I feel so weak.

I wanted to write about my weekend today but not happening. The computer is making my head hurt. Wish me luck people! I really need it. ♥

GUILTY

 So I've been tagged by Path to Wellness and I might add I have more "innocents" than her! Huh!

The rules of the game:
RULE 1- You can only say Guilty or Innocent.
RULE 2- You are not allowed to explain anything unless someone messages you and asks!
RULE 3- Copy and paste this into your notes, delete my answers, type in your answers and tag to your friends to answer this.

The Questions:

1. Asked someone to marry you? GUILTY
2. Ever kissed someone of the same sex? GUILTY x billions
3. Danced on a table in a bar? INNOCENT
4. Ever told a lie? GUILTY
5. Had feelings for someone whose feelings you can’t have back? GUILTY
6. Kissed a picture? GUILTY
7. Slept in until 5 PM? GUILTY
8. Fallen asleep at work/school? GUILTY
9. Held a snake? INNOCENT
10. Been suspended from school? INNOCENT
11. Worked at a fast food restaurant? INNOCENT
12. Stolen from a store? GUILTY
13. Been fired from a job? INNOCENT
14. Done something you regret? GUILTY (duh!)
15. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? GUILTY
16. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? GUILTY
17. Kissed in the rain? GUILTY
18. Sat on a roof top? GUILTY
19. Kissed someone you shouldn't? GUILTY
20. Sang in the shower? INNOCENT
21. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? GUILTY
22. Shaved your head? INNOCENT
23. Had a boxing membership? INNOCENT
24. Made a boyfriend/Girlfriend cry? GUILTY
25. Been in a band? INNOCENT
26. Shot a gun? INNOCENT
27. Donated Blood? INNOCENT
28. Eaten alligator meat? INNOCENT
29. Eaten cheesecake? GUILTY
30. Still love someone you shouldn’t? GUILTY
31. Have/had a tattoo? GUILTY
32. Liked someone, but will never tell who? INNOCENT
33. Been too honest? GUILTY
34. Ruined a surprise? GUILTY
35. Ate in a restaurant and got so bloated that you couldn’t walk afterward? GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY
36. Erased someone in your friends list? GUILTY
37. Dressed in a woman’s clothes (if you’re a guy) or man’s clothes (if you’re a girl)? INNOCENT
38. Joined a pageant? INNOCENT
39. Been told that you’re handsome or beautiful by someone who really meant what they said? GUILTY
40. Had communication with your ex? GUILTY
41.Got totally drunk on the night before exam? INNOCENT
42. Got so angry that you cried? GUILTY

So I'm supposed to tag people. Tricky very tricky! So (if you haven't done this already) I will tag Stefi and CJ

LAST WEEK IN APRIL

1 - Workout 60mins/day (weekdays)

2 - If you can go for 90mins (mon-wed-fri)

3 - Stay under 1500 calories

4 - Clean my room

5 - Organize the wardrobe & the rest

6 - Take doggy to get a hair cut

7 - Finish the book I'm currently reading

LOSING IS SWEET

I lost 2 lbs! Honestly I wanted more. But when I stepped on the scale and saw 208.5 I just smiled. It felt good. I feel good.

Don't have much time so this post's gonna be short. I gotta workout before I meet my sweetheart.
I did manage to walk on the treadmill the past two days. 60 minutes each. I had to walk slower but my knee feels a lot better. So it's worth slowing down a bit. My initial panic long gone. Today I'm going for Last Chance Workout. I don't want to fall back on my strength training. I worked on my arms, back, shoulders and core on Thursday. But nothing else whole week. Not good. But next week is a new week and I lost 2 lbs. LOL. I just feel good people I feel great!

I also took some measurements. I will post them during the week. In short I lost 2 inches on my hips, belly; 1.5 inches on my waist and 1 inches from both arms and thighs since the last time I measured.

I've been unfollowed by the way! Yeah someone didn't like my blog. I just wish I knew who that was and why exactly. But I have some new followers and I welcome you all. I actually love you all but don't wanna sound too crazy too soon :)

I DID NOT

I almost ordered pizza for lunch today. I logged in to the website, picked what I want, almost hit the "order" button. Then I stopped. I honestly have no idea what stopped me. Am I evolving? Is this it? Am I gonna be able stop every time I'm about to eat something bad? Don't think so. If for nothing else I don't have the willpower to stop once I'm in the same room with the food, I'm gone. I'm not even in this world. I get high on food. That's what happens. I get high.

After I stopped myself from wasting money and eating a million calories, fat I didn't need I cooked some pasta. Did I want it? May be/May be Not. It doesn't even look that good. Probably because I got lazy grating the parmesan and used the wrong grater. It tasted good though. Added some red bell peppers which adds more taste than it pretends to. I also made the sauce with hazelnut oil. It leaves a sweeter taste in your mouth. And it's good to mix it up a bit considering I eat pasta a lot.

Are you sick of seeing pasta or the same plate over and over again? I love these plates. I don't even let anyone else use them unless I cooked for the whole family and I'm serving the dish. Judge me all you want, I'm nuts. Let's get over it.

Now I don't know what to eat for dinner. I'm bored. Really bored. I invited J to watch some movies this evening. But cancelled it this morning cos I don't feel up to it. I didn't want to drag her down with me. This knee thing is really depressing me. I'm so tired of feeling helpless. I have bad knees and heart by birth! How do you deal with it? Well... sometimes you don't. There is nothing to do sometimes. Nothing.

Thank you for all your nice comments and well wishes about yesterday's post. It helps me more than you know. ♥

Actually my knee doesn't feel as bad as it did yesterday. So I'll try to walk on the treadmill. Not as fast as I would like to but move a little non the less.

This lovely dress is from my favorite website ModCloth. I can't help checking it out every day. And fall in love with another piece of clothing or accessory every time. Today's love affair is with this lovely dress. It's making me a little crazy like I need to lose a million pounds right this second. But it also motivates me.

I'm thinking about purchasing a piece every 10 lbs once I'm down from 200s. Can I afford it? Not sure. But my boyfriend gets excited about this whole thing and wants to buy me everything I like. Don't worry I stop him. But I think I can ask for him to help me with some of my rewards. Any objections? Please don't.

I have a question for you though. How is this blog awards go? If I wanted to give someone an award do I just create a banner of my own and let them know? Because I think I might want to. I realize I've been doing this less than 2 months. But I really value the support you've given me a lot. And I'm a very emotional being. Especially today.

WEDNESDAY AND SOME BAD KNEES

 I don't know who this little girl is but I'm guessing she knows how I'm feeling right now. My left knee gave up on me. It's been aching a little, but today it was worse. With every step I take I can feel my knee moving. Also when I was walking home from the market in the afternoon something happenned. I don't really know what. But this is how it felt like. I left knee, all by itself, turned left 90 degress and snapped back in place. It hurt so bad. I screamed in the middle of the street. Luckily there wasn't anyone around. I really couldn't handle explaining it to anyone.

I called my doctor, but he is away on some conference. If I could just talk to him I would feel better. Unfortunately that is not possible for now. I also don't have insurance since my father lost his job. I need to register for the government plan thingy but my father gotta do it. Because I'm gonna be added to their insurance or something like that. I don't understand how this works. Because this is the first time in my life I didn't have private insurance. In Turkey when you're working anywhere but a government agency they have to insure you and your children who is not working, whatever their age is, also benefits from your insurance. So this is a first.

I'm scared, worried, annoyed, fed up, angry and sad. No workouts for me today.


Today I cooked pasta for lunch. I make this shrimp recipee a lot. But this time I decided to remove lime and add tomatoes in it. It turned out to be one of the best pasta I've ever had! I couldn't get enough of it. I wanna make more already. So I'm cooking it for me and my boyfriend over the weekend. I have to wait that long cos I'm out of shrimp. It's also a national holiday this friday so we'll have a three-days-weekend, which I'm very excited about. But I had to tell him that we needed to eat some meals at home cos there is no way I can stay in my calorie limit all three days. And I really don't wanna eat more than I should this weekend as last week I had more than a couple days with high calories, fat and all that bad girl business.

I also made a lighter version of Cobb Salad without bacon of course and didn't use any cheese either. Made my own dressing as well. 1/2 tbsp olive oil, mustard, some fat-free salad dressing I love, black-pepper. It was good. It kinda had to be. I'd been craving for a while now. Seemed like every show I watch was mentioning Cobb Salad for no good reason.

I had to buy avocados and wasn't sure how much it would cost. Avocados aren't a part of Turkish cuisine and they are not locally grown. I get to eat it at restaurants but not at home. So I decided to go to the market and see how bad it was. About $1.50 per avocado. Is that bad? I don't think so and it certainly is affordable for me right now. So I got 2. One of them need a couple days to be ready to put my sandwiches so I thought 2 was a good number for now.

So my daily total is 1463 calories eaten. Nothing burned.