Happy Birthday to ME!

I've got a feeling this year will be awesome!! :) I woke to have lost 1 lbs! Even my scale is being nice to me. Imagine all the possibilities!!! I'm officially celebrating tomorrow with a bunch of girlfriends and Ivy (her birthday is wednesday). 4 years of friendship and finally we're celebrating together :D

People I feel good! Wish you all feel as good too ♥

Coming Up

Yeah I got more dogs today. Across the street from my aunts house a neighbor gave birth to 6 lovely puppies. My cousin is holding 2 little girls and she kept praying she wouldn't drop them. Ha ha! Love is a battlefield, aint it!

These smart ladies have the most gorgeous eyes I've seen on a dog. And look how smart the right one is, covering her sister's vahvahs with a quick move :)

But I was in love with their brother. For some reason this guy stole my heart the moment I laid my eyes on him. Summer love...

Monday is my BIRTHDAY!!! Aww I'm 26! The last five years or so I really didn't want to get any older. Yet it keeps happening every year. My mum always wanted to stay 30. I don't understand it. I wanna be 16 or 20 at most. Well... if it were really possible I think I could settle for 23 also. It's all about the plans really. I meant to be a lot slimmer by my birthday and of course I'm too late for that. I'm gonna have to except the fact I only lost 27 lbs all year. But I'm 27 lbs lighter! Yay! I guess.. I have new deadlines about my weight. Cos I don't wanna wear a wedding dress with my size! No offense to anyone but I would die!

My mama is in 100% diet mode. She got new tests done about her heart,etc and every problem she has can be connected to her weight and cigarettes she smoked for 30 years (she quit about 2 months ago btw). I hope this will encourage me more and may be even my father. He seriously needs to lose a lot. His blood sugar keeps jumping up and down yet he can't put his ice cream down. Fingers crossed.

One little issue. Ramadan beings on wednesday! I don't fast. But my dad and boyfriend do. And at Ramadan food gets crazier. Special breads and bacon all over. There is cream and more butter, desert for every single dinner.... an endless feast. We'll be eating out every weekend (we already do but Ramadan is just different) which will be difficult for me to control myself. Then again may be this is the perfect timing for Ramadan because I need to learn self control already. Don't you think? I'm beginning to feel like a soldier :) That must be a good thing cos I'm fighting and I shall win!

The week is almost over!! =)  Have a superb thursday!

Honey I'm Home :)

I'm back!! It's sooo good to be home. I bet you don't even remember me anymore! Been so long :D I was visiting my aunts and cousins out of town with my family. The first day we got there we wanted to come back!! It's so not our thing to be "guests" at someone else's home. Especially if that someone else is a very bad-tempered, annoying, out of this world witch. Well.. my aunt and uncle aren't exactly lovely people. As much as I love them, it was stressful being there. Even my father agrees and that's saying something. Besides all my complains it wasn't actually horrible obviously. A while back I wrote about a cousin of mine getting divorced. Well she is their daughter and things aren't exactly going well with the custody issues which makes everyone on edge. Painful and long period before all the people involved settle into their new lives. etc. etc. etc.

Well the woman got divorced and can't see her own daughter but! about a month ago she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a annoying noise coming from outside. She gets up to find out what's crying out on the street and what's their problem. She opens the house door and there right beside it sits a tiny little thing sent by an angel asking for help.

This little monster is who I'm talking about. Oh yeah she is a monster!!! A damn cute one of course :) She is 2 months old now and bites anything and everything she comes across including various body parts and some ruined items of clothing of mine. I am so in love with this little girl I almost cried saying goodbye. But I decided my aunt and uncle would be offended if I cried because of a dog and not them! My cousin named her Balım "My Honey" and come on if she doesn't deserve such a name who does?!

My own baby girl (who is 12 years old/awww she is getting old) isn't really a playful, active dog and we love her even more for it, being all lazy and all. But living with a puppy for three weeks was amazing. I took her running, playing catch and whatever she wanted and it was such a great time. Made me think about all the years I didn't get to spend with my Snow White. I just hope she is happy with us because our lives are that much better since we met her ♥

So I said we wanted to leave as soon as we got there. So did Snow White :) She really can't stand other dogs! We didn't have any jealousy problems but boy was she not happy! Also she didn't enjoy her schedule all messed up. We had to get up early everyday being guests at someone else's house. So did she. Well when 8 people are awake and running around she can't really keep sleeping like she does in our home. Here she gets up around 11 am and goes for a walk about noon. There she was forced to pee at 9 am so she wouldn't do any business inside. It was torture for all parties. I love that she is very much like me :)

She ran out of the house while we were trying to get all the luggage in the truck and settled in the backseat. A backseat she can't climb by herself I might add because it's an SUV and she is a very little girl. She did me proud with that performance. Really proud. This is her sleeping in her bed in the car with my legs in the shadows :)

I have so much to say yet I've been talking about dogs and I'm not even done about the dogs LOL I'll leave the rest for tomorrow. Let me give you a quick summary.
It is about 90 degrees everyday here!!! We are slowly melting in a bad way!
J is on her way back from New Jersey right about now!!
Ivy will be in Istanbul on Monday.
My mom is full on diet mode!!! YAY!
I did not gain any weight on the vacation.
It looks like I'm getting married in May. (trying not to panic!!!!)


Love,
River

Random

I do not like any kinda berry pancakes
I don't wanna leave comments (I also know people who don't leave comments because of this) when I see the "your comment will be visible after approval" line on top of the page. It's just annoying
After 25 years I finally like fruit :)
And I don't hate veggies
I feel safer because I'm fat
That's gotta change cos if everything goes well I'm getting married before June2011
Ouch
I gotta move!
Ivy is here by the way
She'll be staying till wednesday
J already wants to come back home :D
Any Grace Jones fans out there?
I've gone crazy. We're seeing Grace Jones next friday night
It's not the kinda event my boyfriend likes but hey it'll be different and he likes different
In exactly one month I'll be 26. I don't wanna be. what happened to 16?
It'll also mean my little doggy's been living with us for 4 years!! She is getting older too but looking like a puppy! I'm so jealous :)
I love weekends... have a great one everybody ♥

Blueberry Love

Blueberries have been on sale (blame the economy) for a while at our market. I'm so in love with blueberries. My favorite berries I might add. So sweet and perfect to compliment anything you might wanna place them next to. They make me happy. I'm telling you all this because Patrick asked me "What is it that you want to do or get into that will make you happy that you can realistically do today, tomorrow, or as far as a week out?" Obviously blueberries are not enough to "change my life" but little things always add up, right?

Well... more than fruit I need a couple of other things. I need a job! I'm so annoyed and frustrated about the one job I really wanted. Will it ever happen? It's not up to me but I've been waiting for a long time. So it is way past time I start looking for something else. I don't even wanna think about this subject but I'm really tired of waiting here. Time to move on. If that job still happens I'll be on board happily ever after.

My boyfriend has been hiding in his shell. Probably since he's been back from his service. It's not like anything bad happened while he was there. He's always been a quiet guy. Doesn't talk much about his problems or his inner whatever. But since he's been back it seems he doesn't ever talk. It's like he's lost his ability to have a conversation sometimes. He doesn't even wanna see his friends. Don't get me wrong. He does have reasons like he is always tired working 12 hours then gym everyday... He has been stressing about his work conditions not improving like he is not paid what he deserves at all and the hours are so long, etc. He stopped caring for anything else almost. I need to break his shell once again and get him to enjoy things a little. That would make me happy.

I've talked to J a few times since last week. She is doing great and I'm feeling a lot better about her being away :)  She is hoping to be back early august if there isn't any news.

People we have a serious problem!!!! The 7th Harry Potter movie is almost out and next year we'll see the last movie!! Then it will be over!!! No more Happy Potter!!!!! No amount of vampire hotness can match the magic Harry provides... I'll be heartbroken my friends... But it is worth this love. My heart will go on and on...


Love yourself
♥River

Useless

 

I've been hiding inside my shell the past two weeks. I don't know why. But I sure am embarrassed about how I ignored this blog and others, I let go of my food tracking, may be even stopped caring for myself... I have been doing nothing. NOTHING!! Two whole weeks. Sitting at my desk, playing video games. I feel useless and absolutely miserable. I'm not sure what the hell happened to me. Let me tell you how it started though.

I spent most of sunday (two weeks ago) with J. I couldn't help be emotional all day. See I never wanted siblings although my parents asked me a few times. But if I could pick a sibling I would want J as my sister and noone else. Then again we sometimes go months without seeing each other. That doesn't matter. We will be there if one needs the other. Somehow I'm just not handling her going to New Jersey for the rest of the summer. I think not knowing when she will be back (cos she really doesn't know and might stay till the end of september) is making me uncomfortable. It feels like she won't be back. Ever. And there is a reason for that.

I studied in California for two years. Then I quit. The first year was all fun. I met some amazing people, had an absolutely awesome time. Second year is a different story though. I broke up with my longtime girlfriend. I started thinking I've already seen LA I just wanna be home. I got sick of the food. I started sleeping all day, up all night. Not partying! I'm not a partying type. I just lived like that. I missed the sun and that's a tough thing to do in Southern California!

I got depressed. I got so depressed that I couldn't wake myself up for days. I needed help for that. I had to see a shrink I seriously don't know how often. I got some pills priscribed that I never took. Everything was shit. Plain shit. I really really really wanted to be home. When I came back home that summer it took me two months to tell my parents that I didn't wanna go back. They wasted ridiculous amount of money so I can study in CA which I'd been telling them I wanted for so many years. Now I didn't wanna go back. So I stayed.

Damn! I don't wanna write about all this anymore. Sorry. I've been down and it's time to get back up already. I need to wake up already.

Thank you for all your support. I love you all. OK I love some of you a little more but I love you all! ♥