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March 29, 2010

My Boyfriend at the Gym & I'm Not

I woke up to a gloomy, rainy monday morning. I don't actually have to go out today, so I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. Still hoping for sunshine tomorrow! I had a very nice, relaxing weekend. Spent both days with my boyfriend. We rarely get to see each other over the week, so the weekends are strictly for "us" time. and I wanna tell you why.

My boyfriend (actually fiancee and bestfriend) works at the treasury department of a major bank in our country. Not all treasury departments work the way, but his is a little demanding on time. He works an average of 12 hours 5 days a week. His work starts at 7:30am and he usually works till 7:30pm. This is almost like the opposite of my life right now as I currently don't have a job.

So what does he do when he leaves his job and sitting in traffic for at least half an hour (if he is lucky) he goes to the gym! He is (not professional but he gets ask to go pro all the time) is a body builder. Not one of those drug pumped weirdos. He works 1.5 to 2 hours 6 days a week! He eats on schedule what he has to and takes care of himself perfectly. Of course when he's out of the gym by 10pm he is tired and still has to get ready for the next day and has to get up around 6am. Oh he also does cardio at work gym a couple of times a week which means he has to be there by 6 o'clock. Yes he looks perfect. I love it. Then I hate it.

He works so hard that I can't even imagine doing it myself ever. Then at lunch I'm the girl sitting across from him tears in my eyes because I really want that cheeseburger. (I'm a food-addict, emotional eater) He just looks at me with those understanding eyes, holds my hand, smiles at me and says "Have you cheeseburger. I just want you to be happy." But I'm not happy! I can't be happy when I know what he has to go through to take care of himself and I'm sitting at home all day and most days not even manage to get a single workout in.

This is not what happened this weekend. But it happened a million times before. This weekend I was confident and in control of my appetite. It was quiet nice. I didn't have a food realted freak out this whole week really. I've been feeling good and I'm blaming for this blog for feeling good and all of you :)

But we had a fight on saturday. He was telling me about this guy coming up to him at the gym and commenting on my boyfrend's morning cardio sessions "It's good you have time I just don't" is what the guy told him. Of course he had no idea about bf's schedule,etc. And my baby gets real mad at people like that. He doesn't really jodge that they don't do the work he just gets mad that they assume he has it easy. I have to also tell you we are both very bad tempered people. So bf was pretty mad (now I know he didn't realize how mad he sounded at the time) so I was telling him "everybody has different expectations from their days so if he is staying up late cos he's watching tv even that means he doesn't have time to him. He doesn't know anything about you." etc But bf thought I was on the guy's side, which when you think about it doesn't make sense. But it turned into a whole big thing. Whatever in the end everybody calmed down and we had a very nice weekend. The fight is forgotten. But soemthing did remain.

I don't really care about that guy. I don't care about anybody else for that matter. I just couldn't tell him I feel horrible cos I slept late that morning and didn't even get a 15 minute workout. I worked on my hair and make up for an hour but not my body. If I told him he wouldn't really know what to say and sometimes he says "But it's different you're not him" But that guy was at the gym! Did I even workout the day that conversation took place?? I can't stand him talk about his workouts, his perfect dieting habbits. It is a big part of his life and it is very important to him. But I can't stand it!! I feel like a loser every time. ıf this feeling will ever go away please please please hurry up and get gone. I don't want to get lost in my dark clouds every time my love shares his passion with we.


JourneyBeyondSurvival said...

Wow. That is troublesome. It sounds like it could be difficult to bridge between your #1 problem you're working on and his #1 hobby/passion (other than you of course)

What do you think you're going to do? I hope you can find someway to preserve your confidence and build him up. You guys sound like such a good couple.

Glam said...

This made me so sad to read - you sound so heartbroken. :(

Is there anyway you can workout with your fiance at the gym? Or maybe do a workout DVD at home while he's at the gym? Then at least you'd both be working out at the same time. Cheesy, yes, but stuff like that makes me smile.

All it takes is baby steps. You don't have to workout for hours upon hours like your fiance to be successful. Just start out slowly and work your way up.

Hope whatever you decide to do makes you happy, but giving up isn't an option. Lace up those gym shoes & go for a walk! ;)

kimbo said...

The best thing to do is just to force yourself to go the gym. I dont know about you, but for me the hardest part is actually putting on the clothes and making myself walk in - then once i'm there 95% of the time i feel great, am glad i went and have awesome workouts! I read somewhere that it takes 14 times to make something routine, and once you get that down it really does just become part of your life!

Good luck and keep us posted!!

Jessica said...

Geez your blog made me stop and think for a mintue. I am usually the one talking about my new habits and workouts with family and friends. Dang I now wonder if I make them feel bad. I don't think that your bf does it to make you feel any way its just something that is apart of him. He just wants to share that aspect of his life with you. Because honestly i talk about it, but its because I want to share plus it makes me feel accomplished. I agree with the others try to go with him to the gym or pop in a dvd to workout to. The idea is to keep moving. GO walking! That always seems to make me feel better.

Keep us posted and Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

Some people have an extreme passion for working out. Do not beat yourself up and think you are "less than" because you don't exercise like that. Sorry you're feeling so bummed....