I woke up to a gloomy, rainy monday morning. I don't actually have to go out today, so I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. Still hoping for sunshine tomorrow! I had a very nice, relaxing weekend. Spent both days with my boyfriend. We rarely get to see each other over the week, so the weekends are strictly for "us" time. and I wanna tell you why.
My boyfriend (actually fiancee and bestfriend) works at the treasury department of a major bank in our country. Not all treasury departments work the way, but his is a little demanding on time. He works an average of 12 hours 5 days a week. His work starts at 7:30am and he usually works till 7:30pm. This is almost like the opposite of my life right now as I currently don't have a job.
So what does he do when he leaves his job and sitting in traffic for at least half an hour (if he is lucky) he goes to the gym! He is (not professional but he gets ask to go pro all the time) is a body builder. Not one of those drug pumped weirdos. He works 1.5 to 2 hours 6 days a week! He eats on schedule what he has to and takes care of himself perfectly. Of course when he's out of the gym by 10pm he is tired and still has to get ready for the next day and has to get up around 6am. Oh he also does cardio at work gym a couple of times a week which means he has to be there by 6 o'clock. Yes he looks perfect. I love it. Then I hate it.
He works so hard that I can't even imagine doing it myself ever. Then at lunch I'm the girl sitting across from him tears in my eyes because I really want that cheeseburger. (I'm a food-addict, emotional eater) He just looks at me with those understanding eyes, holds my hand, smiles at me and says "Have you cheeseburger. I just want you to be happy." But I'm not happy! I can't be happy when I know what he has to go through to take care of himself and I'm sitting at home all day and most days not even manage to get a single workout in.
This is not what happened this weekend. But it happened a million times before. This weekend I was confident and in control of my appetite. It was quiet nice. I didn't have a food realted freak out this whole week really. I've been feeling good and I'm blaming for this blog for feeling good and all of you :)
But we had a fight on saturday. He was telling me about this guy coming up to him at the gym and commenting on my boyfrend's morning cardio sessions "It's good you have time I just don't" is what the guy told him. Of course he had no idea about bf's schedule,etc. And my baby gets real mad at people like that. He doesn't really jodge that they don't do the work he just gets mad that they assume he has it easy. I have to also tell you we are both very bad tempered people. So bf was pretty mad (now I know he didn't realize how mad he sounded at the time) so I was telling him "everybody has different expectations from their days so if he is staying up late cos he's watching tv even that means he doesn't have time to him. He doesn't know anything about you." etc But bf thought I was on the guy's side, which when you think about it doesn't make sense. But it turned into a whole big thing. Whatever in the end everybody calmed down and we had a very nice weekend. The fight is forgotten. But soemthing did remain.
I don't really care about that guy. I don't care about anybody else for that matter. I just couldn't tell him I feel horrible cos I slept late that morning and didn't even get a 15 minute workout. I worked on my hair and make up for an hour but not my body. If I told him he wouldn't really know what to say and sometimes he says "But it's different you're not him" But that guy was at the gym! Did I even workout the day that conversation took place?? I can't stand him talk about his workouts, his perfect dieting habbits. It is a big part of his life and it is very important to him. But I can't stand it!! I feel like a loser every time. ıf this feeling will ever go away please please please hurry up and get gone. I don't want to get lost in my dark clouds every time my love shares his passion with we.
Vegan Mushroom Bites
2 hours ago