Beautiful Day

Hello Hello! Last night, finally, we saw U2! Man I think I've been waiting for this concert all my life. Been a fan for 14 years now. Before that I was a fan I just didn't know about it :) Purchased the tickets last year! Can you imagine the waiting for the actual event! It was all worth it. It was heaven. I want more. I really want more.

Boyfriend, last minute, found some extra tickets and mom, who always thinks everything is too expensive and yes we do have a financial hell right now but yeah, got to come with us! Which was perfect. She doesn't listen to much music but she enjoys big shows. Last year she came to Björk's concert with my and J and she probably had even more fun than us if it is possible. Daddy wouldn't come. He just lives in a different world than us, just the same house. Nevermind. He simply doesn't share anything with me or mom. And I guess I'm old enough to except him as he is. Whatever... I was thrilled mom could come. Boyfriend enjoyed it more than Bono himself and I still want more :)

I have a little complaining to do though. If I didn't I wouldn't be me, right? The stupid Olympic Stadium the concert was at is ridiculous! Since they built that place whoever had to go to that place been miserable. Getting out of the parking hell took us over 2 hours!!! We were home past 3 am! How do you not fix such a mess in the past, I'm not sure but possibly 5 years. Stupid stupid stupid! OK I'll admit I didn't mind it that much but my poor boyfriend had to get up at 5.30 am to get to work! Isn't it strange how we get defensive when a loved one has to just lose some sleep? I can yell at him all day then he can't get enough sleep and I wanna take revenge and cuddle my baby for a whole week :)

In the end it was a wonderful night and I wouldn't mind living it over and over again.

On my last post I answered 8 questions for Patrick has tagged me. I tagged 8 people in the end and one of them was Luke! This too-smart-for-his-own-good Luke tagged me back!! :) He is a smart one alright! So here I'm answering his questions this time.

1. What is your favorite song quote?

Gonna be lame may be but all I can think of is "You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find, you get what you need." by the Rolling Stones

2. What is your favorite exercise or workout?
Most of what I can do is walk. But I love workout videos/DVDs. Anything Jillian Michaels is good to me.


3. Favorite place to go on vacation and activity to do?
Italy! Anywhere in Italy will do :) I like feeling free and just taking walks, sitting at a cafe, drinking my espresso, reading a book or just have a conversation. Simple.

4. Do you collect anything, if so what and how did it start?
Other than fat I guess I collect movies. I don't have a number for you but I probably have over 200 DVDs at the moment. Then there are other formats. How I started? My dad lend me his credit card :)

5. Hardest obstacle you have had to overcome in your weight loss/fitness/training goals?
My body is like an obstacle course. I got two injured knees, arrhythmia, inner ear balance problems, chronic insomnia and gastritis. I don't think I left anything out. Other than that I have no will power. I see it I eat it. And that is my biggest problem still.

6. What do you do now and if you could choose any career what would it be?
I'm still looking for a job! This question is mean :) Just kidding. One day I would like to own a cafe/book store. Run the place, make people feel good and write my own stuff along the way.

7. If you could choose and exotic animal to have as a pet what would it be?
A Puma.

8. Do you use a reward system for your goals, (formally set or not) and if so what is your favorite reward?
I do. I already have a dress (I can't fit in it yet) my boyfriend bought for me from one of my favorite shops modcloth.com. When I get under 200lbs I'm getting a water bottle! I think.


Today is the last day of Ramadan!!! Also meaning we have a 4 day-weekend!!!!!!!! Well today was a half day for people who actually have jobs. Boyfriend asked to come over to watch a movie or something. I told him to just go to bed :) He needs his sleep more than I need to see him. I need to help my mom with some cooking and cleaning for the Ramadan Holiday. A lot of visitors and visits for the religious holidays. I help today then I'm free for the next four days. Cos I'm not into crowds that much. Neither is mom but dad want it so he gets it. Grandma is suppose to come back soon. I miss her more than I thought I would. I still doubt I'll feel the same when she arrives. Go figure.

Happy Wednesday!

Blueberry Love

Blueberries have been on sale (blame the economy) for a while at our market. I'm so in love with blueberries. My favorite berries I might add. So sweet and perfect to compliment anything you might wanna place them next to. They make me happy. I'm telling you all this because Patrick asked me "What is it that you want to do or get into that will make you happy that you can realistically do today, tomorrow, or as far as a week out?" Obviously blueberries are not enough to "change my life" but little things always add up, right?

Well... more than fruit I need a couple of other things. I need a job! I'm so annoyed and frustrated about the one job I really wanted. Will it ever happen? It's not up to me but I've been waiting for a long time. So it is way past time I start looking for something else. I don't even wanna think about this subject but I'm really tired of waiting here. Time to move on. If that job still happens I'll be on board happily ever after.

My boyfriend has been hiding in his shell. Probably since he's been back from his service. It's not like anything bad happened while he was there. He's always been a quiet guy. Doesn't talk much about his problems or his inner whatever. But since he's been back it seems he doesn't ever talk. It's like he's lost his ability to have a conversation sometimes. He doesn't even wanna see his friends. Don't get me wrong. He does have reasons like he is always tired working 12 hours then gym everyday... He has been stressing about his work conditions not improving like he is not paid what he deserves at all and the hours are so long, etc. He stopped caring for anything else almost. I need to break his shell once again and get him to enjoy things a little. That would make me happy.

I've talked to J a few times since last week. She is doing great and I'm feeling a lot better about her being away :)  She is hoping to be back early august if there isn't any news.

People we have a serious problem!!!! The 7th Harry Potter movie is almost out and next year we'll see the last movie!! Then it will be over!!! No more Happy Potter!!!!! No amount of vampire hotness can match the magic Harry provides... I'll be heartbroken my friends... But it is worth this love. My heart will go on and on...


Love yourself
♥River

Back Home & In Trouble

 It's good to be back. It's time to face the reality. I gained 3.5lbs! That is huge! It's so huge that I wanna cut flesh off of my body to get rid of it right away! I'm so embarrasssed to come back after two weeks and tell you all this is what I did. I will go ahead and confess I binged three times the past 10 days. That is such a high number at this point. But I'm home now and don't have any excuses. I need to get back into the "healthy mind" already and get the numbers going down again.

I had fun though. I don't regret relaxing a little. I don't diet to just lose weight. I'm trying to turn everything I know and still learning into a life style. And in real life you do take vacations and gain a couple of pounds. You just come back to your daily routine and you lose that extra naturally. I admit if I don't lose it back in a week I'll probably have a different attitude. But it will be only because I would have disappointed myself. So we'll have some rules brought back this week if I don't want that happenning. The lazy in me needs to move out.

These rules to be followed for the next two weeks (mon 05/24 - sat 06/05)

1 - no sugar 

(fresh fruit only)

2 - min 5 servings of veggies & fruits

3 - no processed food or junk

4 - eat 1300-1600 calories

5 - limit fat

6 - do whatever workout I can 

(as long as my knees let me)

7- not gonna weigh in untill June 6

Of course there are nice things going on too. Like my mother did a major spring cleaning in my room. I don't think this room was ever this clean. I need to do some reorganizing but feels like the room is shining with pride! Mama is my hero of the month! (and probably all the other 11 months too)

I have to admit though the best part of coming home is my boyfriend. After so many years I still think it's a miracle that we ever met and became close friends, then finally fall in love... Oops I'm getting too emotional all of a sudden. I think catching up with Gray's Anatomy did some damage. What the hell was those last two episodes! Reminds me we still haven't seen the Lost finali. I did consider staying up till morning (was shown here same time as USA) but decided it was silly. I also download every episode then wait to watch it with my boy. We're hoping to watch it tomorrow evening if he is not too tired after his workout. So freaking excited!

I'm ending today's post with this lovely photo of Ivy with the little cat who found us on their backyard and adopted us all by himself! (I think he is a he but may be not) He kinda made us give him milk by drinking Ivy's coffee so casually and looking like enjoying it a lot. He joined us for dinner that day and disappeared the day after to reappear and even jumo in the car with us just the next day. Ivy tells me he still comes and goes and I fell in love with him so bad that I'm torturing my little dog evne worse now. She's fine yet but it's only cos she missed me too much. Next week she'll be hiding from me =) She is a free spirit! ♥

New Goodies YAY!

So I didn't confess this before but on April 23rd, one favorite website modcloth.com added this beautiful black dress as a new item. The trick about ModCloth is that most items are sold out in the speed of light. And needless to say for me the dress was love at first sight. From time to time I show some items I like from this site to my boyfriend. And you need to understand if it was possible I would live in this website! Like Alice in Wonderland I wanna get lost in ModCloth... ♥

So boyfriend sees the dress and tells me "let's buy it." At first I objected and told him I didn't deserve it yet. A couple of hours later small and medium sizes were gone!! Sold out. I panicked and he kept sayin "I wanna buy it for you." So... I gave in. How could I not! Look at it! So adorable. They had up to 3X sizes. But we ordered large. Now I have to work to get into the dress and I love the idea!!

Modcloth gives 10% discount for international orders of $100+ So I had put this cutest tshirt to my wishlist a couple of weeks ago. We added that and this strange yet softest, loveliest scarf to the order. Yes I admit I acted like a kid in a candy store! I'm not regretting it though. So I guess this order was my going-below-210-lbs-reward. It is a bigger reward than may be should have. But I'm also thinking it as my one-month-of-blogging-and-keep-going reward. It was exactly one month before that I wrote my very first post!!!

They arrived a couple of days ago. I love them all! I'm not gonna let myself go crazy and order anything else before I should again. I promise!

My knees have been alittle annoying lately. I'm going back to doing my leg exercises (doctor's prescription) hoping it'll help. Working with weights on your ankles also works your lower abs and boy am I sore! I missed feeling sore. Reminds me I need to up my strength training.

I did better with food choices yesterday. Had lots of fish. (I was gonna take a pic cos it looked so good but I was too busy eating it! oops...) My appetitte is calming down, sleeping better, have a little more energy. I'm doing both strength training and cardio today. Will let you know tomorrow.

I said hi to my scale in the morning. Wasn't bad. Hope I'll see a not-so-bad number on Saturday. *Fingers crossed* as always...



UPDATE: Bloggers I'm far away from USA right now but just found out about what's going on in Nashville (one of the places I wanna see soooo bad on Earth) and please visit Beth's blog to read about it and share and hopefully find a way to help!

WHO KNEW I COULD LIKE MONDAYS!

I worked out both days over the weekend. Do you have any idea how awesome I feel! If I could I would be doing back flipsall day long. My energy level is definitely up. So is my mood. I'm smiling more. Less angry. More patient. I don't "hate" everything as much...  I see colors and brightness everywhere I look. I hope this feeling will not ever go away.

These lovely flowers blong to my mother. Have I told you she is an amateur painter. She picked up painting a few years ago, although she had talent all her life. It's never too late for anything.

Ok I have to confess something. Saturday night wasn't so good. S told me something that really hurt me. I know he didn't mean to but still.. that dark cloud didn't go away till the next day and it didn't go away fo easy. I don't wanna get into details. Because it's gone and I don't wanna make it into something more than it is. I feel great now and that should be what really is important.

Guess what! I had another 2-workouts-in-a-day! Went for my morning walk with J. YAY! I like walking with her. Oh, she told me she lost 2lbs this week!! She's trying to lose 18lbs total. Will I get to see the day when I need to lose only 18 pounds? Is that day ever gonna come really? I guess it has to.

Back to workouts. See the "s" at the end, means multiple! Hah love it! This morning when the hour was up I walked J to the bus (well it's not really a bus I don't know what to call it in English) said goodbye and walked home. Which made my total 96 minutes and burned 1041 calories! In the afternoon I also had another session of Last Chance Workout with my favorite trainer Jillian Michaels :) So totay my total is:

136 minutes (125@target heart rate)
1424 calories burned

I have to admit I ate more than meant to though. I had 1700 calories total. But come on do the math! I think I did good. Considerin I still have a million muffins sitting in the kitchen right now.

Have a wonderful week people! I ♥ you all!

YUM

Chicken breast is one of the most boring foods out there. But I was trying to write down some easy recipes for when I need to I wouldn't have to search. I found a chicken marinade recipe which was soooo simple but the result is "how can this be just chicken breast?" So delicious and it smells like heaven. Just some garlic, thyme, black pepper and lemon juice. It's like magic! The photo is not so nice sorry about that. But I made this same chicken two days in a row and I'm having it again tomorrow. Cooked some scallions next to the chicken for a couple of minutes too. Together whit some tomotoes I love it! I never knew it was so easy to make something so plain and boring taste so fabulous (yes I'm using the word fabulous I love the word too).

I wanna make some muffins tomorrow may be. I mean may be tomorrow or thursday. I found this great recipe on Spark People, 92 calories per muffin! How can I resist that. Well I can't. The recipe is for 16 muffins though. I can't have that many at home or the weigh in will be ruined on friday. So I might take half of it to boyfriend's parents. They live on the next street to ours. I haven't visited for a few weeks and his father gets all "I thought you forgot about us" if I don't show up every other week. I hate that. I can't act all cool and cute about it. It's not in my nature. So muffins will give me an excuse to over there and be nice.

Can't wait to weight in! I'm both excited and scared.What if I didn't lose anything again! What if I lost? HUH! If I lose some I think I'll be more calm next week. I'm just stressing because of last friday. I think. I hope. It'll be fine though, won't it? I'm really working on it. I will lose sooner or later.

My Boyfriend at the Gym & I'm Not

I woke up to a gloomy, rainy monday morning. I don't actually have to go out today, so I'm not gonna make a big deal out of it. Still hoping for sunshine tomorrow! I had a very nice, relaxing weekend. Spent both days with my boyfriend. We rarely get to see each other over the week, so the weekends are strictly for "us" time. and I wanna tell you why.

My boyfriend (actually fiancee and bestfriend) works at the treasury department of a major bank in our country. Not all treasury departments work the way, but his is a little demanding on time. He works an average of 12 hours 5 days a week. His work starts at 7:30am and he usually works till 7:30pm. This is almost like the opposite of my life right now as I currently don't have a job.

So what does he do when he leaves his job and sitting in traffic for at least half an hour (if he is lucky) he goes to the gym! He is (not professional but he gets ask to go pro all the time) is a body builder. Not one of those drug pumped weirdos. He works 1.5 to 2 hours 6 days a week! He eats on schedule what he has to and takes care of himself perfectly. Of course when he's out of the gym by 10pm he is tired and still has to get ready for the next day and has to get up around 6am. Oh he also does cardio at work gym a couple of times a week which means he has to be there by 6 o'clock. Yes he looks perfect. I love it. Then I hate it.

He works so hard that I can't even imagine doing it myself ever. Then at lunch I'm the girl sitting across from him tears in my eyes because I really want that cheeseburger. (I'm a food-addict, emotional eater) He just looks at me with those understanding eyes, holds my hand, smiles at me and says "Have you cheeseburger. I just want you to be happy." But I'm not happy! I can't be happy when I know what he has to go through to take care of himself and I'm sitting at home all day and most days not even manage to get a single workout in.

This is not what happened this weekend. But it happened a million times before. This weekend I was confident and in control of my appetite. It was quiet nice. I didn't have a food realted freak out this whole week really. I've been feeling good and I'm blaming for this blog for feeling good and all of you :)

But we had a fight on saturday. He was telling me about this guy coming up to him at the gym and commenting on my boyfrend's morning cardio sessions "It's good you have time I just don't" is what the guy told him. Of course he had no idea about bf's schedule,etc. And my baby gets real mad at people like that. He doesn't really jodge that they don't do the work he just gets mad that they assume he has it easy. I have to also tell you we are both very bad tempered people. So bf was pretty mad (now I know he didn't realize how mad he sounded at the time) so I was telling him "everybody has different expectations from their days so if he is staying up late cos he's watching tv even that means he doesn't have time to him. He doesn't know anything about you." etc But bf thought I was on the guy's side, which when you think about it doesn't make sense. But it turned into a whole big thing. Whatever in the end everybody calmed down and we had a very nice weekend. The fight is forgotten. But soemthing did remain.

I don't really care about that guy. I don't care about anybody else for that matter. I just couldn't tell him I feel horrible cos I slept late that morning and didn't even get a 15 minute workout. I worked on my hair and make up for an hour but not my body. If I told him he wouldn't really know what to say and sometimes he says "But it's different you're not him" But that guy was at the gym! Did I even workout the day that conversation took place?? I can't stand him talk about his workouts, his perfect dieting habbits. It is a big part of his life and it is very important to him. But I can't stand it!! I feel like a loser every time. ıf this feeling will ever go away please please please hurry up and get gone. I don't want to get lost in my dark clouds every time my love shares his passion with we.