THIS IS AN OFFICIAL COMEBACK!

It's been a month since I posted!! That is such a long time. But first I wanna say thank you for all your support ♥ It is unbelievable how important it can be the support of people I haven't even met face to face :) You guys rock! Especially Patrick! Here is what he told me:
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant, "turtle recall".

Patrick, I have no words LOL I am that elephant though. Not in the size but the mind. I have no practical memory but I don't forget stupid stuff like that. I always wait for the moment I will have my kick! Painful it sounds. So I'm working on moving on. I have some success with this actually. Some anger, frustration, ugliness I had been dragging on for over 12 years... I recently finally let go. But that's not the subject here really :) Not today. I just wanted to say I'm trying and I'll get there some day. See the turtle and not kick, cos that kick hurts me more. Yeah for growing up a little.

Should I give you an update? My grandma got worse before it got, just a little, better. (Just to remind you, she thought she was pregnant from my father and wanted to kill the baby) Her doctors' have been great. One of them had the exact same problem with her mother!! So doctor told us all about how these things go and everything she said was right on. Like grandma was always obsessed about her stuff, constantly counting her underwear, shoes, batteries... and claim something was stolen everyday. Doctor says usually the sexual freak-outs come next. Her mother actually thought she got raped by her own son! I can't imagine how scary that must have been. Thankfully my grandma didn't have that kinda thinking. She just thought she was pregnant. Now she KNOWS she isn't!!!! YAY a little success. She is somehow uncomfortable with dad though. And he is now all nervous to come home. Although this whole thing seems like fading away slowly. May be next month things could go back to normal.

Oh my cousin! She had the operation and the cancer has been officially removed and there is no spread! The rest of her tests came back clean. On top of that she won't need a very difficult treatment. She will be good as new in a few months.

My funny little dog has been sick. She is old and it is time to except that. I had been missing a lot of sleep getting up in the middle of the night to fight her trying to make her swallow the medicine. She also quit eating for about a week! Our sweet vet told me it was normal. It took dogs time to recover and have their appetite back. Then she asked me wouldn't I feel the same way. I couldn't stop laughing! I finish my last bite and start imagining the next meal! How can I ever understand such a concept! :) My doggy is doing much better and she is eating just like her mama :D At least she wants to.

I have been eating a little dangerously this week. I am not sure but I might be on my period. Yes I don't know when I have a period. Cos I don't have physical evidence most of the time. My IUD pretend stopped my periods. I just don't always "see" anything. So sometimes I just am not sure if I'm right at that time. Because I had this thing for 4 years (ouch it has to come out next year and a new one comes and ouch ouch OUCH) let's be frank who can keep track of something they can't see for 4 years. Why the hell am I writing all this?? Oh right! I had an appetite overload this week. Now I'm trying to get back on track. Just started today so these first two days are not easy for me. Gotta make sure I'm not gonna chicken out, running away from the scale next monday!

I have been cooking a little. For me and the family. One thing I wanna tell you, I poached an egg today!!! Not 100% perfect but almost! :) Watching others do it on tv or internet I seriously doubted I could do it. By the way I'm not sure if no one makes it around here but my parents have no concept of poached eggs. I'm sure I had them in elementary school or at someone else's home, but yeah apparently it's not a popular concept and I personally have no idea why.

Now I gotta go get ready. I'm taking mum to see Avatar. Gonna be her first 3D! It was time she saw the movie too. I love re-releases! Have a great week ♥


P.S. I also got a blog award from Amanda. Check out her blog here. I'll post about the award tomorrow. Thanks! xo

Coming Up

Yeah I got more dogs today. Across the street from my aunts house a neighbor gave birth to 6 lovely puppies. My cousin is holding 2 little girls and she kept praying she wouldn't drop them. Ha ha! Love is a battlefield, aint it!

These smart ladies have the most gorgeous eyes I've seen on a dog. And look how smart the right one is, covering her sister's vahvahs with a quick move :)

But I was in love with their brother. For some reason this guy stole my heart the moment I laid my eyes on him. Summer love...

Monday is my BIRTHDAY!!! Aww I'm 26! The last five years or so I really didn't want to get any older. Yet it keeps happening every year. My mum always wanted to stay 30. I don't understand it. I wanna be 16 or 20 at most. Well... if it were really possible I think I could settle for 23 also. It's all about the plans really. I meant to be a lot slimmer by my birthday and of course I'm too late for that. I'm gonna have to except the fact I only lost 27 lbs all year. But I'm 27 lbs lighter! Yay! I guess.. I have new deadlines about my weight. Cos I don't wanna wear a wedding dress with my size! No offense to anyone but I would die!

My mama is in 100% diet mode. She got new tests done about her heart,etc and every problem she has can be connected to her weight and cigarettes she smoked for 30 years (she quit about 2 months ago btw). I hope this will encourage me more and may be even my father. He seriously needs to lose a lot. His blood sugar keeps jumping up and down yet he can't put his ice cream down. Fingers crossed.

One little issue. Ramadan beings on wednesday! I don't fast. But my dad and boyfriend do. And at Ramadan food gets crazier. Special breads and bacon all over. There is cream and more butter, desert for every single dinner.... an endless feast. We'll be eating out every weekend (we already do but Ramadan is just different) which will be difficult for me to control myself. Then again may be this is the perfect timing for Ramadan because I need to learn self control already. Don't you think? I'm beginning to feel like a soldier :) That must be a good thing cos I'm fighting and I shall win!

The week is almost over!! =)  Have a superb thursday!

Honey I'm Home :)

I'm back!! It's sooo good to be home. I bet you don't even remember me anymore! Been so long :D I was visiting my aunts and cousins out of town with my family. The first day we got there we wanted to come back!! It's so not our thing to be "guests" at someone else's home. Especially if that someone else is a very bad-tempered, annoying, out of this world witch. Well.. my aunt and uncle aren't exactly lovely people. As much as I love them, it was stressful being there. Even my father agrees and that's saying something. Besides all my complains it wasn't actually horrible obviously. A while back I wrote about a cousin of mine getting divorced. Well she is their daughter and things aren't exactly going well with the custody issues which makes everyone on edge. Painful and long period before all the people involved settle into their new lives. etc. etc. etc.

Well the woman got divorced and can't see her own daughter but! about a month ago she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a annoying noise coming from outside. She gets up to find out what's crying out on the street and what's their problem. She opens the house door and there right beside it sits a tiny little thing sent by an angel asking for help.

This little monster is who I'm talking about. Oh yeah she is a monster!!! A damn cute one of course :) She is 2 months old now and bites anything and everything she comes across including various body parts and some ruined items of clothing of mine. I am so in love with this little girl I almost cried saying goodbye. But I decided my aunt and uncle would be offended if I cried because of a dog and not them! My cousin named her Balım "My Honey" and come on if she doesn't deserve such a name who does?!

My own baby girl (who is 12 years old/awww she is getting old) isn't really a playful, active dog and we love her even more for it, being all lazy and all. But living with a puppy for three weeks was amazing. I took her running, playing catch and whatever she wanted and it was such a great time. Made me think about all the years I didn't get to spend with my Snow White. I just hope she is happy with us because our lives are that much better since we met her ♥

So I said we wanted to leave as soon as we got there. So did Snow White :) She really can't stand other dogs! We didn't have any jealousy problems but boy was she not happy! Also she didn't enjoy her schedule all messed up. We had to get up early everyday being guests at someone else's house. So did she. Well when 8 people are awake and running around she can't really keep sleeping like she does in our home. Here she gets up around 11 am and goes for a walk about noon. There she was forced to pee at 9 am so she wouldn't do any business inside. It was torture for all parties. I love that she is very much like me :)

She ran out of the house while we were trying to get all the luggage in the truck and settled in the backseat. A backseat she can't climb by herself I might add because it's an SUV and she is a very little girl. She did me proud with that performance. Really proud. This is her sleeping in her bed in the car with my legs in the shadows :)

I have so much to say yet I've been talking about dogs and I'm not even done about the dogs LOL I'll leave the rest for tomorrow. Let me give you a quick summary.
It is about 90 degrees everyday here!!! We are slowly melting in a bad way!
J is on her way back from New Jersey right about now!!
Ivy will be in Istanbul on Monday.
My mom is full on diet mode!!! YAY!
I did not gain any weight on the vacation.
It looks like I'm getting married in May. (trying not to panic!!!!)


Love,
River

Quick Update and Weigh-in

Hello! Hello! I've got updates for you. Which might not pass for a decent blog post and I realize I've been lazy about the blog (scares me to death) but I promise (especially to myself!) that I'll get my sh*t together.

1 - I lost weight! YAY =) -3lbs this week. Me happy ☺

2 - My treadmill is not working. On wednesday I got ready and stepped on my little stubborn monster wouldn't start. The panic, the annoyance, followed by the fear of the weigh in... The repairman showed up the next day, but it he stopped by on his way to an appointment so he just looked around to see what the problem was and is promised to fix it today. Fingers crossed.

3 - I have gone down to 1200 the first couple of days of the week then went up to 1600s on wednesday and closed the day at 1300 the last two days. These numbers are like miracle to me. Planning ahead worked so far and I don't have to get stressed over eating something then balancing it later in the day. Me happy again.

4 - My little doggy, Snow White, continued her peeing conquest until friday. She even peed in her own bed!!! Not normal at all. We have been to the vet and he is there is nothing wrong with her. She is definitely protesting something. I don't understand why I didn't think about this before but my grandma is visiting my cousins out of town for a couple of weeks. She did leave the fist day doggy pee arrived on my bed. But grandma doesn't really like the dog. If it were up to her Snow White would be back on the streets to be honest. But that doesn't matter to a dog. She just loves people. Can't help it probably. We have been giving "extra love" however we think it's possible since the "enlightenment" and she seems fine for now.

•●●ஐ๑HAPPY FATHER'S DAYஐ●●•

Burn Baby Burn

 
I kinda sorta hate myself (or dislike very much) when I don't post often enough. I've gone lazy. But not only that... After everything going so well all week I weighed in on saturday and my scale informed me that I gained half a pound. Excuse me??? What the hell is that stupid square bastard is trying to tell me? I feel rage!

Still I did not give up. Don't think for a second that I did. No! I had an average day on saturday. Ate whatever I wanted on sunday (I will probably do this till the rest of my life). Just like I planned. When I say I ate whatever I want it's not really what it used to be. I don't wanna jinx it though :)

This week I'm going lower with the calories. I have been thinking about going down to 1200s. But couldn't get myself to even consider it. Last week with planning so much I felt that I was ready to try. It's been two days now. On monday I had 1230 and today 1252 calories. I'm about to go to bed so I'm certain I won't eat anything else. I already planned tomorrow's meals and hoping to end the day with 1227. I'll go higher for the weekend especially considering I'll be out dancing with J on sunday at the music festival I've been waiting for all month. It will be our only day/night our for the rest of the summer as she is leaving for New Jersey just a week from now! Damn... I'll miss that girl.

I burned my belly with boiling milk yesterday. I thought the weather was hot. Who said milk was good for you!! It's total bs. I have burned skin size of a zippo. It turned a deep purple color today with dark pink corners. At least it's not hurting anymore, right! Hold on. I took a second look. It's 3/4s of a zippo.

The bigger problem is my dog actually. On sunday night I was watching tv till my eyes wouldn't stay open. What a shock! I somehow managed to change and get ready to get in the bed. I turn the lights off. I'm in haven with my pillow. I'm a stretcher 24/7. So I stretch my legs and something is wet. I turn the lights back on. Sit up. Yeah the feet of my bed is wet. I'm thinking did I spill something. No. So what the hell is that. I bent down to investigate and yes it smells like pee. Now I'm in hell. I had to get up, change my sheets, open the window... Of course I couldn't sleep half the night. I'm thinking was she mad at me? Or was she unable to control her muscles??

So the next day she pees on my sweatshirt which was on bed again. I'm mad but confused. I don't yell at the dog cos I really need more information about what happened. My dad is already mad at her all the time because my dog does pee on carpets all over the house for different reasons. We have a behavioral problem. Might also be the reason she was kicked out of her previous house, but getting kicked out might also be the reason for peeing whenever she decides she wants more attention. (My cousin rescued her from streets)

You see why I need more info? I don't wanna jump to conclusions especially considering she is about 13 years old (again just the vet's guess because of her heart condition). But today I caught her on action!!! I walked her twice before the afternoon to make sure she won't have to pee all over. But she did. She has a large pillow next to my bed she uses when she doesn't wanna be in her own bed. This time she peed on it. I was mad alright. Very disappointed also. I'm stressed about this business all day and don't know what she'll aim at tomorrow. Gonna take her to vet thursday probably. I need a ride from my dad. He won't be home much tomorrow though. So we'll wait one more day. I don't really know what the vet might say. Will he even have anything to say about it. Because whatever we did we couldn't stop her peeing on the carpets. Now this... Hope she'll give up on her own.

And look at this beauty. Who's think she was such a naughty naughty girl?

OOPS...

So turns out I was suppose to weigh in tomorrow!! Which gives me an extra day. But with all the heartbrake of last week and working my butt off (I worked out a total of 345minutes this week) I thought I had to weigh in today! So I did. Guess what? I lost 4 lbs! If I had the energy I would be screaming off the top of my lungs this morning. I'm so relieved and happy. I was sick with paranoia :) It's all gone though. I will step on my lovely scale tomorrow morning too. Not that I think there will be a change in a day. But you never know. Plus I wanna see my new weight again. 211. Isn't it sweet. 12 more pounds and I'll be kicking 200s goodbye for everrr ☼ I'm also getting a haircut when I exchange "2" for a "1" soon man very soon!!

Did you notice I'm getting obsessed with numbers. Don't worry I'll lose track soon. Never been good at keeping up with them. Who cares! I lost 4 pounds!! And a special thank you to everybody who was impressed by my calorie burn yesterday :) You really motivate me to do more.

So on that note I did go for my morning walk. It was so difficult though. I really didn't want to. (Not because of the weight loss) I couldn't sleep half the time I was in bed last night. I am a chronic insomniac. Not gonna bitch about it today though. I still got up on time. left the house 20 minutes late. Cos really didn't want to go. Even when I was at the place I kept thinking I can just quit. The whole time! I feel exhausted listening to myseld. I ended up holding on to everything I've got and finished my walk. 72 minutes. 61 mins @ target heart rate. Burned 716 calories! I am so glad I didn't give up. It doesn't happen to me that often. But I guess things are changing.

My legs  are also very very tired. The two workouts yesterday did the trick, which made it even more annoying to walk this morning. I'm not gonna pretend it was torture but it was very annoying. When I was able to drag myself out of the house I kinda hoped I would do another round of Last Chance Workout with my (one of) celebrity crush Jillian Michaels. I just don't think I have the strenght to pull that of today. Definitely tomorrow morning though before I meet my sexy lover. Yeah don't worry I do mean my boy friend. I don't employ any extra lovers on the side at this moment. May be my dog. But she doesn't count. She is not into commitment.

The kitchen is invaded by our cleaning lady and mom. They are cooking enough food for an army. Apparently mom's gonna be too busy over the weekend, so all the food should last till monday. If I can find a little break from them I'm going for those muffins today. I hope the recipe is perfect cos I'm not a magician in the kitchen. Will report to you. Have a great Friday everyone ☺

TWICE IN ONE DAY

I burned a total of 1152 calories today! I'm so freaking proud! I already wrote about my Last Chance Workout here. Later I also went up on the treadmill for 70minutes a little over 4 miles. I was amazed out of the 70 I was walking at my target heart rate for 61 minutes! So some numbers in totals:

Workout: 108 minutes
@THR: 92 minutes
Calories burned: 1152
Calories eaten: 1600

I know 1600 is higher than what I should have eaten. But come on this was the first day in my life I had two workouts in one day! I have to keep this up until I find a job and my time will be very limited. Tomorrow I'll go for my morning walk at the "usual" spot. I really hope it'll become my usual spot for my usual morning walks. And may be even running by next year or so *fingers crossed* If J can make it she'll come with. But she is seriously lacking sleep trying to finish some projects for school.

I didn't make any muffins. Actually I remembered I don't have enough tray for 16 muffins. But I'll play with the recipe (I really hope tomorrow) and make may be 12. Have to visit the future in-laws ASAP so I won't have to think about it for a few weeks. I kinda miss them too. I do. I just can't stand the father-
n-law. I might tell you why some other time.

If anyone read the comments on my yum post, Steph mentions a thai 7 spice. Thank you dear. I'm not sure I can find it in Istanbul. I'm guessing some market has it I would need to look for it though. I love mixed spices. Turkey is a little crazy about spices also. I remember having a piece of bread with goat cheese and a ton of mixed spices for breakfast. It's actually still my favorite thing with some black tea if I can't eat anything when I get sick. My only problem is I get thursty way too much! On an ordinary day if I don't workout, don't eat anything crazy etc I drink 12 glasses of water. Now imagine I eat some black pepper on my chicken it goes up to 15! All my life. There is nothing wrong with it. I'm just made up of water I guess. So I'm also scared of spices. Why did I just share that I have no idea. Cos I'm just gonna go and find that thai 7 spice seasoning or just mix it up myself. Can make some adjustments if I mix it myself. May be cut back on the salt. I'm very sleepy right now :) Can you tell? Feels like I've been thinking in writing.

So I'm out. Gotta walk my lovely doggy and go to bed with my book. Oh you haven't met my little girl yet have you? Here is a preview of my Snow White. Isn't she gorgeous! Yes she knows it too ♥