Ankara

That's our capital for those who don't know. So I'm in Ankara and I got the flu. I blame the ac on the bus. But mum has it too and dad was recovering when I left so... who knows. I'm guessing I'll be better in a couple of days. I'm not exactly resting in bed but not killing myself either.

It's good to be here. I missed Ivy so much. We have the whole apartment to ourselves and having a little girl time and some fun. Yesterday we also had a guest, Dodo. He is the nicest, sweetest guy on earth and he can't stop laughing at everything for some reason. He also lost a lot of weight since I've seen him last year. Hoping to see him more before I leave. I decided to go back home next thursday by the way. J might come to stay with us over the weekend. Still haven't decided yet. She has a lot to do for school and will let us know by tomorrow. We have some work to do here too. Working slowly on some graduation projects. Oh these bs never ends with the school work.

We had a pizza and ice cream day yesterday. But we are still on our diet schedule more or less. This was our shopping cart on monday. We went grocery shopping as soon as Ivy picked me up from the bus station. See nothing naughty... some chicken breast, turkey, sugar-free ice tea, salad greens, lots of fruit!

Meet my dinner from monday. (I decided I needed to supply some proof) My chicken as always, some salad with fatfree dressing and frozen potatoes with no oil, little ketchup, very little mustard.


This was luch on tuesday. My pasta with tons of tomato, garlic and scallions. One stuffed eggplant. (We like stuffind veggies and leaves in Turkey and when I see eggplant my heart beats faster)




I almost forgot, my left knee has been hurting like a bitch. Well it's been better today. But it started on monday and I was in pain for so long. My eyes teared every time I had to go down the stairs even just one step. I really need to see my doctor when I go back home. I'm guessing he will tell me I need physical therapy. I do not have any means of affording that at the moment and beyond that if I get "the job" I won't have any time. Hope we'll figure out a way to fix it without more trouble.

I haven't worked out since I've been here. But have my weights and videos with me. We can also go for walks when I get better. But we really need to get up early cos it's burning hot in this city. I'm guessing Istanbul will be so hot too when I get back. This summer has come way too fast for me. I never look forward to it. Now it's here and I wish I had the power to keep spring going on for the whole year. Speaking of mind power I just finished reading The Sphere by Michael Crichton. I love this guy so much. Another great book. Always makes me want more. I stole this quote from wiki for you: The New York Times's Robin McKinley said "Part of the fun of Sphere is that it keeps you going even when you're pretty sure of what will happen next." I think I'm reading Timeline by Crichton next.

Today we went out to Starbucks. I don't know what anybody did before Starbucks. I feel so home at any Starbucks. It feels like everybody feels better there. I used to go to Starbucks to study, now I go to read a book, write in my journal, just to get out of my own head... Yeah, one other obsession of mine.

I had a haircut yesterday. Don't like it. The guy didn't get what I wanted and I ended up with this mess. Well.. I'll survive. This is what I looked like drinking my cappuccino today. I don't really like my photo being taken. But hell I wanted to share. For a miracle just for you I'm even smiling :)

My face looks bloated. Look under my eyes. huge bags. Well the bags is a curse for the women in my family. But that's not the point. I sometimes like being bloated cos when it goes down it feels like I lost a lot of weight all of a sudden :p I'll always be a kid (or baby) at heart. 

This is Ivy telling me we don't look good in photos so what's the point :D I think she asked for it complaining too much. Hahaha she looks funny and this is my blog so I got the power *still giggling* I don't think she looks bad though. If I thought so I wouldn't put this photo. I'm not evil. Just bad sometimes.

I asked Ivy to write a guest post on my blog. She said yes. I'm letting you know so she won't have a way out of it if she gets lazy or sth. She has lost some weight herself. Has been working hard on it. She also has some interesting stories to tell about her years of struggle with weight issues. Of couse if she decides to share. We'll see what she'll come up with.

I've been feeling so bad cos I couldn't post for so many days. I hope I'll be able to write again soon. I miss my blog and I miss reading yours'. I have some catching up to do. Soon. I also have new followers. Always a nice surprise ♥

Have a great day everybody!
xoxo
River

Feeling Better

Thank you everybody for your well wishes and supporting my no-scale decision! :) I'm feeling better but still a little tired. Finally slept better last night. Not exactly comatosed but a lot better! (It's nice to know there are people who understand what not-being-able-to-sleep for so long means. thnx ♥) I also had to get up early this morning cos our phone was out and I had to deal with the electirician. I went back to bed after he was gone but you know how it is, my whole system is already messed up, so I'm stuck with a monster headache. Still not complaining though. The idea of getting better and beginning to workout again (I'm hoping for saturday) is too exciting!

I've been eating and not counting anything. I noticed that although I'm eating whatever I want and much of it, I still try to make better decisions. For example I had a huge sandwich for dinner yesterday and I added bell peppers and green beans in it. My father also bought three different kinds of plums today. I noticed I didn't have any this year or last! I'm a little particular about my fruit and wasn't making it a priority before. But today I had a large bowl of plums and boy did I miss that taste! Plums are magical with low calories and sweet textures and I am gonna spend this summer soaking myself in plums. Especially loquats! When you get rid of the skin (I peel and eat the skin too by the way, I'm "weird" that way) loquats are divine!

My taste or understanding of taste is shifting I believe. I enjoy possibly twice as many veggies and fruits as I did before. I'm still finding new ways to enjoy my food but I do feel a lot better than the weight I already lost. I know for sure something is changing and it is for the better. I think my body asks for better quality and variety. The real sursprise is that I'm listening to it.

All joking aside I actually had pre-diabetes just a year ago. I did not try to lose weight although I wanted to at the time. But I did start to make better choices at least once a day. I'm serious it was just once a day and not even that sometimes. I started to get on the treadmill and walk with no schedule or planning. But I moved. After using the drugs my doctor prescribed for about 10 months or so I had a whole different problem and with my doctor we decided it might have been a side effect of those drugs I'd been using. So I decided to quit. I said "I do not care I will not live like this I'm not taking these pills you cannot make me." After 3 months or so the time for my check up with the diabetes doctor came and I had my tests done. Then I confessed I wasn't taking the pills anymore and you know what my doctor told me "You don't need to take anything anymore. Your blood sugar is excellent. Everything looks great." I think that was the point I decided to commit losing weight and getting healthy. It wasn't a rock-bottom experience, not a fight with my boyfriend, not the idea of being a fat-bride... no I found my motivation, the final push from getting better.

SICK IN BED

So I was feeling down yesterday and woke up feeling worse this noon! I also couldn't sleep all that well the last couple of nights. I just keep waking up every hour or so, (I'm a chronic insomniac) which doesn't help with the way I'm feeling. I'm feeling stressed about not working out and to make matters worse I'm bout to get my period and my appetite is scary! So in summary: I'm all bloated, craving anything and everything, can't workout, have a headache, can't get out of the bed, bored, annoyed, stressed and losin my mind!

I've decided to skip the weigh in this week. Well I'm not stepping on that scale until I feel better and ready. I don't wanna make myself feel worse and fall off the wagon because I feel so weak.

I wanted to write about my weekend today but not happening. The computer is making my head hurt. Wish me luck people! I really need it. ♥