50

I took a pill last night to help me sleep. I hoped for a 10 hours but had to settle for 9. Because of the job I'm trying to get. One of the people I'll meet about it was on tv discussing something current and I thought it was important for me to get a little more on who he is, etc.

I did wake up during the night but fell back asleep quick. Waking up was a bitch though. I don't know how I managed to get out of the house somehow and meet J. All the way I felt so dizzy and disoriented. Thank God, J wanted to take it slow today. We had a very light walk for 45 minutes. Burned only 380 calories but it is something.

When I came back home I couldn't even take a shower. Just went back to bed wondering if I could sleep or not. Turns out I could. Slept 4 more hours. I feel so much better. Not 100% awesome. But a lot better.

Made myself a nice lunch. Mum already made some salad and pasta, which went perfect with my chicken. I cooked the same chicken with marinade on saturday for my boyfriend. And what do you know, he wants some more. Which is excellent news. Because he likes eating out a lot and I hate spending money on food so much. On his defense he eats so stickly (being a bodybuilder and all) on weekdays and weekend mornings he is always craving for some color. So I'm looking for some nice side dishes to go with the chicken. Also will make a huge, green salad. I guess I'll go for mushrooms? Lots of protein and he loves them. Me too.

I noticed now I have 50 followers! (like I don't check the number everyday. duh!) Exactly 6 weeks from my very first post.

Love you all! Have a great day!

Yawn

I haven't been able to sleep the last two nights. I mean I slept but I guess only enough to keep my body functioning. I feel so exhausted. I'm going to bed at 9pm with a sleeping pill tonight. I try not to take pills unless I feel like I'm drawning with the exhaustion, feeling dizzy all the time, no energy to go through the day... So I'm taking the pills two nights in a row and try to sleep on my own the next day.

I will however go for a walk by the sea tomorrow morning with J. I miss our walks so much! Especially being sick last week I got so bored. I hoped to walk on the treadmill today. Nothing too hard. Simple walk. Not happenning. I don't have the energy even a bit. I kinda wanted to skip posting but didn't want to have the guilt to build up.

I'll be going to Ankara, the capital, next week. At least I hope so. Because there is a job interview I have to but don't know when it'll be. (I want the job so bad!!!!!!!!!!!! I'll tell you about it later) I'm gonna be visiting my closest friend from college. Ivy. I hate that she went back home after the graduation! Her sister lives here and we are all here, but she is back home. I miss her so much! Are you reading this little missy?? We all miss you here! And you were suppose to come here on Fabruary. What happened?! Are you cheating on me now? I'll make you pay. Hold on. I'll be there in 7 days!

So about next week. We got some things to do with Ivy and some catching up obviously. J will also try to come towards the weekend if she can and if I stay that long. Nothing is certain yet. Another friend is also trying to come. But she needs to have a little corrective operation on her nose and her mother needs her with some stuff. So.. I don't know. We'll see who shows up. I don't mind the crowd, but I do prefer a couple of days I can be alone with Ivy.

Also there is the question of staying on track. Ivy has also some pounds to lose and she's been going to a gym everyday (I think) for awhile now. She is dieting also. But when two friends who love food so much come together things can get tricky. I hope it will not this time! But I asked her for one night of pizza and beer! I've been craving bad. And I'll do it one way or the other. So I thought I was a nice cheat for us to enjoy together. Making a movie night out of it. Hopefully we'll have worked out in the morning and burned some of the calories at least. I think we'll be celebrating the change of our lives' direction with the graduationg and looking for jobs, etc. (I don't wanna celebrate losing weight with food!)

I'm adding to this week's list:

8 - Nothing but yogurt after 6pm

9 - Get up at 7.30am every morning

Feeling Better

Thank you everybody for your well wishes and supporting my no-scale decision! :) I'm feeling better but still a little tired. Finally slept better last night. Not exactly comatosed but a lot better! (It's nice to know there are people who understand what not-being-able-to-sleep for so long means. thnx ♥) I also had to get up early this morning cos our phone was out and I had to deal with the electirician. I went back to bed after he was gone but you know how it is, my whole system is already messed up, so I'm stuck with a monster headache. Still not complaining though. The idea of getting better and beginning to workout again (I'm hoping for saturday) is too exciting!

I've been eating and not counting anything. I noticed that although I'm eating whatever I want and much of it, I still try to make better decisions. For example I had a huge sandwich for dinner yesterday and I added bell peppers and green beans in it. My father also bought three different kinds of plums today. I noticed I didn't have any this year or last! I'm a little particular about my fruit and wasn't making it a priority before. But today I had a large bowl of plums and boy did I miss that taste! Plums are magical with low calories and sweet textures and I am gonna spend this summer soaking myself in plums. Especially loquats! When you get rid of the skin (I peel and eat the skin too by the way, I'm "weird" that way) loquats are divine!

My taste or understanding of taste is shifting I believe. I enjoy possibly twice as many veggies and fruits as I did before. I'm still finding new ways to enjoy my food but I do feel a lot better than the weight I already lost. I know for sure something is changing and it is for the better. I think my body asks for better quality and variety. The real sursprise is that I'm listening to it.

All joking aside I actually had pre-diabetes just a year ago. I did not try to lose weight although I wanted to at the time. But I did start to make better choices at least once a day. I'm serious it was just once a day and not even that sometimes. I started to get on the treadmill and walk with no schedule or planning. But I moved. After using the drugs my doctor prescribed for about 10 months or so I had a whole different problem and with my doctor we decided it might have been a side effect of those drugs I'd been using. So I decided to quit. I said "I do not care I will not live like this I'm not taking these pills you cannot make me." After 3 months or so the time for my check up with the diabetes doctor came and I had my tests done. Then I confessed I wasn't taking the pills anymore and you know what my doctor told me "You don't need to take anything anymore. Your blood sugar is excellent. Everything looks great." I think that was the point I decided to commit losing weight and getting healthy. It wasn't a rock-bottom experience, not a fight with my boyfriend, not the idea of being a fat-bride... no I found my motivation, the final push from getting better.

SICK IN BED

So I was feeling down yesterday and woke up feeling worse this noon! I also couldn't sleep all that well the last couple of nights. I just keep waking up every hour or so, (I'm a chronic insomniac) which doesn't help with the way I'm feeling. I'm feeling stressed about not working out and to make matters worse I'm bout to get my period and my appetite is scary! So in summary: I'm all bloated, craving anything and everything, can't workout, have a headache, can't get out of the bed, bored, annoyed, stressed and losin my mind!

I've decided to skip the weigh in this week. Well I'm not stepping on that scale until I feel better and ready. I don't wanna make myself feel worse and fall off the wagon because I feel so weak.

I wanted to write about my weekend today but not happening. The computer is making my head hurt. Wish me luck people! I really need it. ♥