Oh Food Glows Too

 It's 1.30 am and I don't wanna go to sleep cos I feel so hungry! It's been like this for a couple of weeks. I get hunger "attacks" at night. I know I should have been asleep already! But guess what I did? I decided to READ about food. Where to go? Oh She Glows... Oh she glows alright. She is glowing my tummy right now. I guess I wanted to just get an idea for what I can cook for tomorrow. Of course I knew I would feel even more hungry and restless. I simply love food too much at the moment. I'm also so very sleepy.

Yeah whatever.. I found this beautiful lentil and bean casserole dish (here) and it is so easy to make, it's perfect! I love lentils. I can smell the dish already. Divine!

I loved this weekend! We did nothing special. But I just loved it! Strange how sometimes we just don't really feel much for our partners or people around us and the next day we are so in love the world seems to be dipped in yellow (my happy color). This week is one of those. I'm in love ♥ I can't get enough of my boyfriend. And this is the right week for it cos friday is a national holiday!! Right on time! If the weather is as good as it was this week we will have a wonderful 3-day weekend. I don't wanna jinx it. But I've been wanting to go to the islands (Istanbul have lovely islands with no traffic, only nature, beautiful people, nice houses, cute restaurants and some tourist shopping) I really hope we can go on saturday may be. Eat some good food and enjoy the fresh air. I want it as much as I want to eat right now.

I almost forgot the scale. I weighed in @ 204.5lbs today. Again. I'll be 202 lbs or less next week. Because I said so.

Mondays such even when you don't have a job cos that's the day I feel that I don't have a job the most.

I'm off to bed. Finally. Goodnight lovers.

Old

They say "the heat" is going away in 10 days!! Excellent news but it's the middle of August. How much better can it really get??! Hopefully a lot... I'm just not gonna get my hopes up yet. My last post was mostly about the heat and I got some wonderful comments so thank you all. I'm in the process of "sucking it up" and I gotta push myself a little more. All I can manage is an hour long walk right now. Or 75 minutes tops! :D

I want to plan my whole week and stick to eating and exercising for 7 days. Then may be reward myself :) Since I wanna do this more than once, the reward must be something little but will make me look forward to the end of the challenge. May be a book or a skin product? Something to make me feel good but not really nonsense, I wanna be able to use the reward not wear it a couple of times and forget like a necklace.

I've been bored a little lately. Need to try new recipes. My confidence in kitchen isn't really all that high yet. When I see a recipe I think I'd love, I think to myself no way I'm pulling this off. Ridiculous, right? I'm old enough to know not to give up at first try! Duh!

My habits keep changing slowly. My favorites, dislikes... For example, did you know I did not like pears a bit all my life. I didn't like the taste, texture, nothing. Two weeks ago I really really wanted fruit and all my options were watermelon and pears. Well.. it was the middle of the night so I had to try pear because I didn't wanna have to get up every hour to get all the juice watermelon would provide out of my system all night long.

The pear... was heavenly. Just like the cabbage soup I just had. No way you could make eat cabbage a year ago. Now when I go crazy I can't even binge properly. :D I get frustrated with too much sugar or fat. Not that I'm losing weight any faster and it's been real slow, true. But I think I need to let go of the old girl and embrace what's changing in me and my life. Because a lot is going on and I've been acting like a scared little girl. It is time except my new responsibilities and get on with the process already. Losing weight is a big part of it. It is a big big change that effects a huge part of my life. It is there every day, with every bite I eat, every choice I make, every time I put on my walking shoes...

Since my birthday, and I never cared for birthdays, I've been feeling like it's gonna be OK. Everything will be just fine soon. I will find the balance again.

The Heat

How do you deal with the heat and working out? It is burning hot and I don't have a gym membership or access to a pool. The treadmill isn't in my room, which is the only room with an AC. I walked an hour on the treadmill yesterday and it was the longest 60 minutes!! So I'm serious, how do you deal with this? or do you even have such a problem?

Diet has been going fine last 10 days and I don't feel like going nuts, binging etc yet. My mother is struggling a little. But she is walking everyday, not complaining about the heat as much as I do. She is really trying. I'm really trying. The heat is just not a friend right now. We can't just go out to get some fresh air as there is none due to the endless humidity. It gets boring!

One of our teachers wanted to take Ivy and me out today to celebrate our birthday. I was excited about it last night. Then the sun came up and I couldn't get out of it fast enough! Ivy felt the same way. So we all agreed to meet next time Ivy is in town.

I've been stressing about very silly stuff lately. Somehow I can't shake this weird feeling. Everything makes me feel frustrated, down, stressed. I feel like I'm a failure as long as I'm not done with school work, don't have a job, not lose weight.... The diet might be going fine but something in me is just not doing so good. I gotta find out what needs fixing so I can move on with my life and fix the rest without drowning in my own mess.

Honey I'm Home :)

I'm back!! It's sooo good to be home. I bet you don't even remember me anymore! Been so long :D I was visiting my aunts and cousins out of town with my family. The first day we got there we wanted to come back!! It's so not our thing to be "guests" at someone else's home. Especially if that someone else is a very bad-tempered, annoying, out of this world witch. Well.. my aunt and uncle aren't exactly lovely people. As much as I love them, it was stressful being there. Even my father agrees and that's saying something. Besides all my complains it wasn't actually horrible obviously. A while back I wrote about a cousin of mine getting divorced. Well she is their daughter and things aren't exactly going well with the custody issues which makes everyone on edge. Painful and long period before all the people involved settle into their new lives. etc. etc. etc.

Well the woman got divorced and can't see her own daughter but! about a month ago she wakes up in the middle of the night because of a annoying noise coming from outside. She gets up to find out what's crying out on the street and what's their problem. She opens the house door and there right beside it sits a tiny little thing sent by an angel asking for help.

This little monster is who I'm talking about. Oh yeah she is a monster!!! A damn cute one of course :) She is 2 months old now and bites anything and everything she comes across including various body parts and some ruined items of clothing of mine. I am so in love with this little girl I almost cried saying goodbye. But I decided my aunt and uncle would be offended if I cried because of a dog and not them! My cousin named her Balım "My Honey" and come on if she doesn't deserve such a name who does?!

My own baby girl (who is 12 years old/awww she is getting old) isn't really a playful, active dog and we love her even more for it, being all lazy and all. But living with a puppy for three weeks was amazing. I took her running, playing catch and whatever she wanted and it was such a great time. Made me think about all the years I didn't get to spend with my Snow White. I just hope she is happy with us because our lives are that much better since we met her ♥

So I said we wanted to leave as soon as we got there. So did Snow White :) She really can't stand other dogs! We didn't have any jealousy problems but boy was she not happy! Also she didn't enjoy her schedule all messed up. We had to get up early everyday being guests at someone else's house. So did she. Well when 8 people are awake and running around she can't really keep sleeping like she does in our home. Here she gets up around 11 am and goes for a walk about noon. There she was forced to pee at 9 am so she wouldn't do any business inside. It was torture for all parties. I love that she is very much like me :)

She ran out of the house while we were trying to get all the luggage in the truck and settled in the backseat. A backseat she can't climb by herself I might add because it's an SUV and she is a very little girl. She did me proud with that performance. Really proud. This is her sleeping in her bed in the car with my legs in the shadows :)

I have so much to say yet I've been talking about dogs and I'm not even done about the dogs LOL I'll leave the rest for tomorrow. Let me give you a quick summary.
It is about 90 degrees everyday here!!! We are slowly melting in a bad way!
J is on her way back from New Jersey right about now!!
Ivy will be in Istanbul on Monday.
My mom is full on diet mode!!! YAY!
I did not gain any weight on the vacation.
It looks like I'm getting married in May. (trying not to panic!!!!)


Love,
River

Random

I do not like any kinda berry pancakes
I don't wanna leave comments (I also know people who don't leave comments because of this) when I see the "your comment will be visible after approval" line on top of the page. It's just annoying
After 25 years I finally like fruit :)
And I don't hate veggies
I feel safer because I'm fat
That's gotta change cos if everything goes well I'm getting married before June2011
Ouch
I gotta move!
Ivy is here by the way
She'll be staying till wednesday
J already wants to come back home :D
Any Grace Jones fans out there?
I've gone crazy. We're seeing Grace Jones next friday night
It's not the kinda event my boyfriend likes but hey it'll be different and he likes different
In exactly one month I'll be 26. I don't wanna be. what happened to 16?
It'll also mean my little doggy's been living with us for 4 years!! She is getting older too but looking like a puppy! I'm so jealous :)
I love weekends... have a great one everybody ♥